So, I've got a question for you friends. Does anyone else ever run from Jesus? Or is it just me? I mean, if I ran in my real life like I do from Jesus on occasion, I'd be a marathon runner. Maybe even an Ironman competitor! I think you get what I'm saying.
Now before you check out and go find a quiet spot to pray for me and my running problem, let me just say, I feel like I've definitely been running more toward Jesus than away from Him in the past few months. But these past few days, I've laced up my shoes and hit the road. And although I could give a reason or two as to why, this tweet tonight from Jesus Calling seemed to hit the nail on the head:
"Don't let your need to understand distract you from My Presence."
I can't count how many times in the past two weeks I've uttered the phrase "I don't understand" or "It doesn't make sense to me." There are some things happening in my life right now, especially with my job, that I am at a complete loss about. I don't understand. When I've tried to pray about it, I allow myself to get so worked up over the what ifs and then whats that I drown out anything that God may be trying to say to me. Which leads to frustration because all I want to hear is what He wants me to do. To stay or to go. To persevere or to move on.
And I think part of the reason I don't hear is because I'm still asking God why. Why did He bring me here? Why does it get harder day after day? What should I do right now? What's down the road past this incredibly difficult season? I'm asking these questions because I want to understand. I want to see and know and fully comprehend the big picture. Because somehow, in my human mind, I think that if I were to understand what God is doing, then I'd be more obedient, more trusting, more at peace. But truthfully, my desire to understand, my desire to know the why, only leads me away from His presence. It leads me away from what He asks me to do, which is to trust Him completely and fully surrender everything to Him, without knowing the why, without understanding His reasons or His ways. Believing His word that says He is working all things together for my good (Rom. 8:28), even if it doesn't make sense to me right now.
Lord, forgive me for running when I don't understand but wish that I did. Help me to continually trust you and to seek you more, to sit in your presence and allow it to calm all of my fears and anxiety. Remind me that Your ways are higher than mine and that I don't need to understand everything in order to trust you. Amen.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
I'm letting go
For Christmas this past year, my dad bought me the poster below. It references a song by Francesca Battistelli titled "I'm Letting Go." Below are the lyrics to one of the verses and the chorus:
This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone
I'm letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I'm losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe
So I'm letting go
I feel like these words capture the challenge God has extended to me over the past few months. To let go. Some things have been tangible, like all of my clothes that I've held onto since 2004 so that I wouldn't have to buy new ones once I finally get my health in a better place. (By the way, letting go of all those clothes and all of those memories... not easy.) Some things have been intangible but harder than I ever would have imagined, like letting go of my plans and expectations, especially for my future. And other things, that I thought would be difficult, have been surprisingly easy, like letting go of some of the hurts and baggage that I've carried around for far too long. The freedom that I've felt after letting that go has been indescribable. It definitely makes me wonder why I held onto it all for so long.
There are still a few things that God is asking me to let go of and surrender to Him. My desire for perfection, my need for control, and my independent streak, to name a few. I suppose that there will always be more that I can let go of so that I can fully embrace Him and the work He's doing in my life. I've also had to accept that there's a reason God is asking me to let go of these things now, at this time in my life. Because He knows I'm ready. He knows that I'm in a place now where I trust Him more than I did a few years ago. It's hard not to wonder and ask God why He didn't do this earlier, why He has waited so long to heal some deep wounds in my heart. That's when I realize it's because of me. He knew that I wasn't ready to let go 5 years ago. He knew that I wasn't ready to let go last year. And He loves me enough to be patient, and to wait for me to be ready. He knows the right time and the right way to ask me to let go, to surrender everything to Him. And even though it's not always easy, it always worth it.
This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone
I'm letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I'm losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe
So I'm letting go
I feel like these words capture the challenge God has extended to me over the past few months. To let go. Some things have been tangible, like all of my clothes that I've held onto since 2004 so that I wouldn't have to buy new ones once I finally get my health in a better place. (By the way, letting go of all those clothes and all of those memories... not easy.) Some things have been intangible but harder than I ever would have imagined, like letting go of my plans and expectations, especially for my future. And other things, that I thought would be difficult, have been surprisingly easy, like letting go of some of the hurts and baggage that I've carried around for far too long. The freedom that I've felt after letting that go has been indescribable. It definitely makes me wonder why I held onto it all for so long.
There are still a few things that God is asking me to let go of and surrender to Him. My desire for perfection, my need for control, and my independent streak, to name a few. I suppose that there will always be more that I can let go of so that I can fully embrace Him and the work He's doing in my life. I've also had to accept that there's a reason God is asking me to let go of these things now, at this time in my life. Because He knows I'm ready. He knows that I'm in a place now where I trust Him more than I did a few years ago. It's hard not to wonder and ask God why He didn't do this earlier, why He has waited so long to heal some deep wounds in my heart. That's when I realize it's because of me. He knew that I wasn't ready to let go 5 years ago. He knew that I wasn't ready to let go last year. And He loves me enough to be patient, and to wait for me to be ready. He knows the right time and the right way to ask me to let go, to surrender everything to Him. And even though it's not always easy, it always worth it.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Restoration
One Sunday last September, I had the revelation that restoration isn't easy. God had been speaking to my heart throughout the year that He wanted to restore some things, which I thought sounded great. In my mind, it meant a year full of blessing and happiness. Then came the idea that restoration isn't easy. God and I obviously had different ideas of how this would play out.
I shared this revelation with my counselor the following Tuesday. She listened and then felt like she should share what came to mind when I said the word 'restoration.' She told me she saw a picture of an old house that was falling apart and in need of repair. A house that needed to be completely gutted and redone, so that it could be restored to its former beauty. I didn't think much of it (I'm sure the blank look on my face was not encouraging to her at all), but told myself I'd pray about it later.
The next day, as I began my quiet time with The Lord, I briefly brought up the house metaphor. I planned to move on but then I felt that God wanted to say more. As I listened, God gave me an amazing picture of what He wanted to do in my life. I felt God say that yes, He did want to restore me, just like an old house that needs to be repaired. I felt Him say that He wanted to come in and tear down walls, throw away trash, and re-wire everything so that it went through Him. He gave me a visual of all the windows that He wanted to replace so that others could see Him through me. He showed me that He wanted to heal my heart, so that I could invite others in and show them His love and warmth and care. God even told me that He is preparing my two to know how to care for and cherish this rebuilt home, and that he will understand and value all of the work that has been done. Needless to say, at the end of my quiet time I was more than a little blown away by it all.
Almost six months after God gave me this vision, it's even more clear why He did. God knew that the restoration wasn't going to be easy. He knew that it was going to be hard and painful and much more work than I anticipated. God knew that I would need a visual, a promise, that I could hold onto, especially in the dark days. God knew that I would need HOPE to keep moving forward in this restoration process. God has been faithful; He has been doing the restorative work in my heart, on my house, even though it hasn't always been easy. And I hold tightly to the truth that He will make all things beautiful in His time.
I shared this revelation with my counselor the following Tuesday. She listened and then felt like she should share what came to mind when I said the word 'restoration.' She told me she saw a picture of an old house that was falling apart and in need of repair. A house that needed to be completely gutted and redone, so that it could be restored to its former beauty. I didn't think much of it (I'm sure the blank look on my face was not encouraging to her at all), but told myself I'd pray about it later.
The next day, as I began my quiet time with The Lord, I briefly brought up the house metaphor. I planned to move on but then I felt that God wanted to say more. As I listened, God gave me an amazing picture of what He wanted to do in my life. I felt God say that yes, He did want to restore me, just like an old house that needs to be repaired. I felt Him say that He wanted to come in and tear down walls, throw away trash, and re-wire everything so that it went through Him. He gave me a visual of all the windows that He wanted to replace so that others could see Him through me. He showed me that He wanted to heal my heart, so that I could invite others in and show them His love and warmth and care. God even told me that He is preparing my two to know how to care for and cherish this rebuilt home, and that he will understand and value all of the work that has been done. Needless to say, at the end of my quiet time I was more than a little blown away by it all.
Almost six months after God gave me this vision, it's even more clear why He did. God knew that the restoration wasn't going to be easy. He knew that it was going to be hard and painful and much more work than I anticipated. God knew that I would need a visual, a promise, that I could hold onto, especially in the dark days. God knew that I would need HOPE to keep moving forward in this restoration process. God has been faithful; He has been doing the restorative work in my heart, on my house, even though it hasn't always been easy. And I hold tightly to the truth that He will make all things beautiful in His time.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Lord, I Need You
I cannot get enough of this song right now! And almost every time that I hear it I am brought to tears because of the truth that is in it. "Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more... Lord, I need you, oh I need you. Every hour I need you..."
Here's the story behind the song too
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Comparison
It comes out of nowhere. Silent. Sneaky. Weaving itself stealthily into my thoughts. So comfortable and at home in my mind that I barely register it's existence. So common are the lies and half-truths that I listen to them before I can stop myself.
You aren't... You can't... You're don't...
Constant reminding of all that I'm not. All that I can't. All that I'll never be. Hearing only what it wants me to hear, never stopping to evaluate the messages It sends. Stuck in its destructive cycle going down, down, down. Drowning underneath the weight of its heaviness.
Comparison. Permeating every area of my life. Slowly draining all that is inside, robbing me of joy and fulfillment, purpose and hope. Deadly. Poisoning my eyes, my mind, my heart, my soul.
But there is HOPE. There is life found in truth, in Him. Truth that is still being sought, still being learned. Believing in God's final word instead of comparison's ever-changing ones. Discipline exercised over every moment, every thought. Hard work, filtering out the lies and clinging only to what is true. Choosing to believe that truth. Allowing it to set free.
You aren't... You can't... You're don't...
Constant reminding of all that I'm not. All that I can't. All that I'll never be. Hearing only what it wants me to hear, never stopping to evaluate the messages It sends. Stuck in its destructive cycle going down, down, down. Drowning underneath the weight of its heaviness.
Comparison. Permeating every area of my life. Slowly draining all that is inside, robbing me of joy and fulfillment, purpose and hope. Deadly. Poisoning my eyes, my mind, my heart, my soul.
But there is HOPE. There is life found in truth, in Him. Truth that is still being sought, still being learned. Believing in God's final word instead of comparison's ever-changing ones. Discipline exercised over every moment, every thought. Hard work, filtering out the lies and clinging only to what is true. Choosing to believe that truth. Allowing it to set free.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Submitting the emotional
I think I'm finally back! I know my loyal reader has missed me :) I'm not sure what kind of virus I caught but it did its best to take me out this past week. That's the last time I'm serving in the 1-2 yr old room at LifeKids! (Just kidding, Maggie!)
I can't tell you how much I'm ready for this sickness to disappear. Besides the usual sickness symptoms, coughing, congestion, stuffy head, etc., I've not had a good nights sleep in over a week. And if you know me, you know that I pride myself on being a good nighttime sleeper. Once my head hits the pillow I'm out in less than 2 minutes and nothing wakes me unless my dog, Sophie, sits on top of my head because its stormy outside and she's scared. However, I haven't gotten more than 4 hours of good sleep since a week ago Friday night. That's 9 days, friends. And do you want to know what the cherry on top is? That stupid devil decided now would be a great time to launch an attack. Really?! When I'm already sick AND sleep deprived?! Oh wait, if I was going to try to take out my own enemy then yes, sick and sleep deprived would probably seem like a prime opportunity.
So yesterday, that stupid devil got me when my defenses were down. In all actuality he's been trying the whole time I've been sick but I was just too busy coughing and too foggy from medicine for it to really register. Until yesterday. And then it was like a full force attack. And do you know what he did? He tricked me into letting the emotional overtake the spiritual. And boy did I.
Some of it started Sunday night in my quiet time. I didn't really "feel" like God was there with me. Then yesterday, that same feeling, that my telephone to Jesus was disconnected and He wasn't accepting my calls. Shoot, at one point I wasn't even sure I was calling the right number! I struggled to the point of tears because I felt like God had abandoned me. I didn't understand why the chapters I'd read in a new book didn't really resonate with me or why the message I'd listened to from church on Sunday didn't have a huge impact or why even in my quiet time it felt like I was doing all the talking and God wasn't even listening.
Then, as I was expressing my distress over the situation, my wise accountability partner told me that maybe I felt that way because God knows I don't always hear things as clearly when I'm sick. Hmm...something I hadn't thought about before. I mean, He does know me after all and I'm sure He knows how I quickly I fall apart when I'm not feeling well. And then later in evening, as things were deteriorating once again, that reminder that I'm sick, and lets not forget sleep deprived, so maybe not everything that I'm "feeling" at the moment is true.
As I thought about it, I remembered a sermon from Perry Noble that I listened to this past fall where he talked about Eve and how she gave in to the way she felt rather than the facts in God's word. She let the emotional overtake the spiritual. He stated that the challenge women have is to submit the emotional to the biblical, to submit how we feel to what God says. And bam! Just like that, my telephone to Jesus was up and running again. Not exactly how I expected it or what I wanted, but 100% what I needed. That gentle reminder that I can't allow my feelings to dictate what I know to be true. God hasn't left my side at any point during this past week. In fact, He never leaves me. And that telephone connection that I was worried about? Always completely intact.
Lord, help me to remember the truth in Your word over my fickle feelings. Especially when my defenses are weak, help me to submit the emotional to the biblical. Amen.
I can't tell you how much I'm ready for this sickness to disappear. Besides the usual sickness symptoms, coughing, congestion, stuffy head, etc., I've not had a good nights sleep in over a week. And if you know me, you know that I pride myself on being a good nighttime sleeper. Once my head hits the pillow I'm out in less than 2 minutes and nothing wakes me unless my dog, Sophie, sits on top of my head because its stormy outside and she's scared. However, I haven't gotten more than 4 hours of good sleep since a week ago Friday night. That's 9 days, friends. And do you want to know what the cherry on top is? That stupid devil decided now would be a great time to launch an attack. Really?! When I'm already sick AND sleep deprived?! Oh wait, if I was going to try to take out my own enemy then yes, sick and sleep deprived would probably seem like a prime opportunity.
So yesterday, that stupid devil got me when my defenses were down. In all actuality he's been trying the whole time I've been sick but I was just too busy coughing and too foggy from medicine for it to really register. Until yesterday. And then it was like a full force attack. And do you know what he did? He tricked me into letting the emotional overtake the spiritual. And boy did I.
Some of it started Sunday night in my quiet time. I didn't really "feel" like God was there with me. Then yesterday, that same feeling, that my telephone to Jesus was disconnected and He wasn't accepting my calls. Shoot, at one point I wasn't even sure I was calling the right number! I struggled to the point of tears because I felt like God had abandoned me. I didn't understand why the chapters I'd read in a new book didn't really resonate with me or why the message I'd listened to from church on Sunday didn't have a huge impact or why even in my quiet time it felt like I was doing all the talking and God wasn't even listening.
Then, as I was expressing my distress over the situation, my wise accountability partner told me that maybe I felt that way because God knows I don't always hear things as clearly when I'm sick. Hmm...something I hadn't thought about before. I mean, He does know me after all and I'm sure He knows how I quickly I fall apart when I'm not feeling well. And then later in evening, as things were deteriorating once again, that reminder that I'm sick, and lets not forget sleep deprived, so maybe not everything that I'm "feeling" at the moment is true.
As I thought about it, I remembered a sermon from Perry Noble that I listened to this past fall where he talked about Eve and how she gave in to the way she felt rather than the facts in God's word. She let the emotional overtake the spiritual. He stated that the challenge women have is to submit the emotional to the biblical, to submit how we feel to what God says. And bam! Just like that, my telephone to Jesus was up and running again. Not exactly how I expected it or what I wanted, but 100% what I needed. That gentle reminder that I can't allow my feelings to dictate what I know to be true. God hasn't left my side at any point during this past week. In fact, He never leaves me. And that telephone connection that I was worried about? Always completely intact.
Lord, help me to remember the truth in Your word over my fickle feelings. Especially when my defenses are weak, help me to submit the emotional to the biblical. Amen.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Masterpiece in Progress
For we are God's workmanship (masterpiece), created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10
Do you ever have those verses that just seem to keep popping up everywhere you turn around? Maybe in a message at church, a devotional, on the radio, or a book that you're reading? Ephesians 2:10 has been that verse for me. It all started last year with a series Craig preached called "Who Do You Think You Are", specifically week two, "Masterpiece." His key verse was Ephesians 2:10 and Craig emphasized that we are not who others have said we are, we are who God says we are, His masterpiece. I thought it was a good message and something that I should try to take to heart but honestly, that's about where it ended. Until recently when it seems like no matter where I go, what I do, what I listen to or read that same verse keeps coming up: "You are God's masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
I don't know about you but sometimes God has to repeatedly tell me something. Over and over and over again. Because for some reason, I tend to stiff-arm God and not accept what He's trying to say to me. And most of the time, He says very good things to me, very true things to me. Usually it's my wounded heart that I let get in the way because I can't reconcile the truth of what God is saying to me with the lies that that I've believed for so long. Truth versus trash. It's a constant battle.
Over the past few months, this is the truth that God has been saying to me: You are my masterpiece. I created you to do good works for Me, good works that I long ago planned for you to do. You are not a mistake. You are not worthless. You are not hopeless. In Me, you are enough. Everything about you has been beautifully chosen to work together for good. And I am changing you and refining you to be more like Me so that you can fulfill the purpose that I designed just for you.
Thank you, Lord, for Your truth. That You have created a masterpiece where I see a mess. Open my heart to understand and believe that truth deep within me. Thank you for your patience with me as I slowly allow You to change me into who You created me to be. Amen.
Do you ever have those verses that just seem to keep popping up everywhere you turn around? Maybe in a message at church, a devotional, on the radio, or a book that you're reading? Ephesians 2:10 has been that verse for me. It all started last year with a series Craig preached called "Who Do You Think You Are", specifically week two, "Masterpiece." His key verse was Ephesians 2:10 and Craig emphasized that we are not who others have said we are, we are who God says we are, His masterpiece. I thought it was a good message and something that I should try to take to heart but honestly, that's about where it ended. Until recently when it seems like no matter where I go, what I do, what I listen to or read that same verse keeps coming up: "You are God's masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
I don't know about you but sometimes God has to repeatedly tell me something. Over and over and over again. Because for some reason, I tend to stiff-arm God and not accept what He's trying to say to me. And most of the time, He says very good things to me, very true things to me. Usually it's my wounded heart that I let get in the way because I can't reconcile the truth of what God is saying to me with the lies that that I've believed for so long. Truth versus trash. It's a constant battle.
Over the past few months, this is the truth that God has been saying to me: You are my masterpiece. I created you to do good works for Me, good works that I long ago planned for you to do. You are not a mistake. You are not worthless. You are not hopeless. In Me, you are enough. Everything about you has been beautifully chosen to work together for good. And I am changing you and refining you to be more like Me so that you can fulfill the purpose that I designed just for you.
Thank you, Lord, for Your truth. That You have created a masterpiece where I see a mess. Open my heart to understand and believe that truth deep within me. Thank you for your patience with me as I slowly allow You to change me into who You created me to be. Amen.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
God is chiseling
Today, I want to share this video that Amy sent to me yesterday. I hope that you enjoy it as much as I did and that you'll check back over the next few days as I share some things that God laid on my heart while watching. Enjoy and Happy Thursday everyone!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Embracing beloved
If I'm Your beloved, can You help me believe it?
Tell me once again who I am to You, who I am to You
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You, I belong to You
Remind Who I Am by Jason Gray
Recently in my quiet times with the Lord, the word beloved keeps coming up. At first I tried to just sweep it under the rug because honestly I'm not a huge fan of that word. It seems so old, outdated and formal. How often do you hear people using the word beloved nowadays? I also equate it with Song of Solomon from the Bible so for me, its always had a more romantic feel to it. Needless to say, when I've felt Jesus speaking that word to me, calling me beloved, I've not really allowed it to mean much. Until about two weeks ago.
Two weeks ago I once again heard those same familiar words: There is nothing wrong with you, Lindsey. Nothing. You are my masterpiece, created with a specific and wonderful purpose. You are not who others have said you are. You are who I say you are. Beloved. Daughter. Precious. Beautiful. Worthy. Mine. Then I felt God lead me to look up beloved on my Youversion app and it brought me to Deut. 33:12 from the Message translation: God's beloved; God's permanent residence. Encircled by God all day long, within whom God is at home. Then I felt God lead me to look up beloved in the dictionary and it said this: dearly loved, valued, treasured, cherished, precious. Wow.
I feel like God has been desperately trying to get me to open up my heart to His love for me in the last six months. Looking back through my prayer journals I can see that He is constantly telling me how much He loves me and how He sees me. But I just can't seem to completely get it through my wounded and protected heart. It's hard for me to believe that God could truly love me when I've struggled with feeling unwanted and unloved for most of my life. I hear His words but I don't really allow them in and allow them to fill those hurt and empty places in my heart. But God, He never gives up. He never stops chasing after me or pursuing me or telling me who I am to Him. I am God's beloved. His dearly loved, treasured, and cherished child. His permanent residence where He is at home.
Tell me once again who I am to You, who I am to You
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You, I belong to You
Remind Who I Am by Jason Gray
Recently in my quiet times with the Lord, the word beloved keeps coming up. At first I tried to just sweep it under the rug because honestly I'm not a huge fan of that word. It seems so old, outdated and formal. How often do you hear people using the word beloved nowadays? I also equate it with Song of Solomon from the Bible so for me, its always had a more romantic feel to it. Needless to say, when I've felt Jesus speaking that word to me, calling me beloved, I've not really allowed it to mean much. Until about two weeks ago.
Two weeks ago I once again heard those same familiar words: There is nothing wrong with you, Lindsey. Nothing. You are my masterpiece, created with a specific and wonderful purpose. You are not who others have said you are. You are who I say you are. Beloved. Daughter. Precious. Beautiful. Worthy. Mine. Then I felt God lead me to look up beloved on my Youversion app and it brought me to Deut. 33:12 from the Message translation: God's beloved; God's permanent residence. Encircled by God all day long, within whom God is at home. Then I felt God lead me to look up beloved in the dictionary and it said this: dearly loved, valued, treasured, cherished, precious. Wow.
I feel like God has been desperately trying to get me to open up my heart to His love for me in the last six months. Looking back through my prayer journals I can see that He is constantly telling me how much He loves me and how He sees me. But I just can't seem to completely get it through my wounded and protected heart. It's hard for me to believe that God could truly love me when I've struggled with feeling unwanted and unloved for most of my life. I hear His words but I don't really allow them in and allow them to fill those hurt and empty places in my heart. But God, He never gives up. He never stops chasing after me or pursuing me or telling me who I am to Him. I am God's beloved. His dearly loved, treasured, and cherished child. His permanent residence where He is at home.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Broken. Into hundreds of pieces. Only One person can put it back together again.
Shattered. Hopes, dreams, expectations. Plans for the future, far away from the pain of the past.
Crushed. Under the weight of rejection and heartache and disappointment. The effects rippling throughout every aspect of life, rearing it's ugly head when you least expect it.
Healing. Offered by the One who was in the beginning. By the One who sees all and knows all and holds all together.
Peace. From the pain of the past, from the hurt, for the future.
HOPE. For purpose, for restoration, for LIFE. Filled with joy eternal, overflowing and abundant.
From Him. Father. Creator God who's love is long, high, wide, and deep.
From Him. Who gives purpose and meaning and has divine plans beyond what can be asked or imagined.
From Him. Who binds up the brokenhearted. Who takes seeds of tears and gives back songs of JOY.
Shattered. Hopes, dreams, expectations. Plans for the future, far away from the pain of the past.
Crushed. Under the weight of rejection and heartache and disappointment. The effects rippling throughout every aspect of life, rearing it's ugly head when you least expect it.
Healing. Offered by the One who was in the beginning. By the One who sees all and knows all and holds all together.
Peace. From the pain of the past, from the hurt, for the future.
HOPE. For purpose, for restoration, for LIFE. Filled with joy eternal, overflowing and abundant.
From Him. Father. Creator God who's love is long, high, wide, and deep.
From Him. Who gives purpose and meaning and has divine plans beyond what can be asked or imagined.
From Him. Who binds up the brokenhearted. Who takes seeds of tears and gives back songs of JOY.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Music for your Monday
A couple of my life group girls suggested listening to Dara Maclean last year and this quickly became one of my favorite songs from her album. Upbeat, fun, and filled with amazing truth about God's love and grace!
Friday, February 15, 2013
Desiring devotion
I grew up believing in God without having a clue what He is like. I called myself a Christian, was pretty involved in church, and tried to stay away from all of the things that "good Christians" avoid - drinking, drugs, sex, swearing. Christianity was simple: fight your desires in order to please God. Whenever I failed (which was often), I'd walk around feeling guilty and distant from God. In hindsight, I don't think my church's teachings were incorrect, just incomplete. My view of God was narrow and small. ~Francis Chan, Crazy Love
Does anyone else have this struggle? As I read those words this morning, all I could think was, "Yes! This is exactly how I was raised and how I feel. I understand!" How many days have I began with my heart intent on being like Christ and by noon my resolve has completely fallen apart because life happened and things got hard and I reacted in my human way? Which is followed up with feeling like I will never get it right, like I am a disappointment and a failure. Then I begin to hear those words: you always mess things up, you'll never be perfect, how could God love someone like you, you will never be enough. And once again, I feel like God is a million miles away.
I've struggled with this negative thought process for years. Many factors went into creating it such as my upbringing, the church I was raised in, and the pressure to be perfect, to name a few. But I think the main key to transforming those thoughts lies in not knowing who God truly is and what His character is like. Just like Francis said, my view of God is narrow and small. I struggle to believe that He can love me in spite of all the things that I do wrong and in all the ways that I feel like I fail Him.
A month or so ago, I was telling God just that, that there was no way that He could ever fully love me and that I couldn't keep asking for His forgiveness when I mess up. And I felt God say some of the most freeing words that I've ever heard: Why not? Why can you not turn around and run back to me? I don't ask or expect perfection. I desire devotion. Devotion to me and a desire to know me more. No one is perfect, Lindsey. The only perfect person was my son, Jesus, and there is no one like him. Don't desire perfection; desire devotion. The entire world struggles with sin. You are not alone. And even in your sin, I am with you. Offering a way out, holding out forgiveness to you, extending grace and love. It is always available and I offer it to you freely. Come to me and repent. Turn from your sin and turn to me and I will show you a better way. I am with you each step of the way. You are never alone, Lindsey.
Loving. Gracious. Grace-filled. True. Beautiful. Healing. Life changing.
God, help me to desire devotion instead of perfection. Open my heart to know more of Your grace and Your goodness. Show me more each day who You are and the depths of Your love for me.
Does anyone else have this struggle? As I read those words this morning, all I could think was, "Yes! This is exactly how I was raised and how I feel. I understand!" How many days have I began with my heart intent on being like Christ and by noon my resolve has completely fallen apart because life happened and things got hard and I reacted in my human way? Which is followed up with feeling like I will never get it right, like I am a disappointment and a failure. Then I begin to hear those words: you always mess things up, you'll never be perfect, how could God love someone like you, you will never be enough. And once again, I feel like God is a million miles away.
I've struggled with this negative thought process for years. Many factors went into creating it such as my upbringing, the church I was raised in, and the pressure to be perfect, to name a few. But I think the main key to transforming those thoughts lies in not knowing who God truly is and what His character is like. Just like Francis said, my view of God is narrow and small. I struggle to believe that He can love me in spite of all the things that I do wrong and in all the ways that I feel like I fail Him.
A month or so ago, I was telling God just that, that there was no way that He could ever fully love me and that I couldn't keep asking for His forgiveness when I mess up. And I felt God say some of the most freeing words that I've ever heard: Why not? Why can you not turn around and run back to me? I don't ask or expect perfection. I desire devotion. Devotion to me and a desire to know me more. No one is perfect, Lindsey. The only perfect person was my son, Jesus, and there is no one like him. Don't desire perfection; desire devotion. The entire world struggles with sin. You are not alone. And even in your sin, I am with you. Offering a way out, holding out forgiveness to you, extending grace and love. It is always available and I offer it to you freely. Come to me and repent. Turn from your sin and turn to me and I will show you a better way. I am with you each step of the way. You are never alone, Lindsey.
Loving. Gracious. Grace-filled. True. Beautiful. Healing. Life changing.
God, help me to desire devotion instead of perfection. Open my heart to know more of Your grace and Your goodness. Show me more each day who You are and the depths of Your love for me.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
What words are you saying?
Last year it seemed like this idea of words and their importance kept coming up every time I turned around. Even the school motto at Amy's new job was "Words Matter". Then, driving home one night, I heard this song on the radio and I absolutely fell in love with it.
Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't want to say a word
Unless it points the world
Back to you
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Sacrifice vs. Investment
This week on KLOVE, the DJ's highlighted a story about a wife who gave her husband an unusual gift for Valentine's Day, a kidney. This wife donated one of her kidneys to her husband who desperately needed a new one. The key statement that caught my attention was that the wife said she "didn't view giving up her kidney for her husband as a sacrifice, but as as an investment." Obviously she felt she was investing into both of their futures because without a new kidney, her husband would not live. But with a new kidney, her kidney, he would be given the gift of a longer life and more time spent together.
Then I started to think about her statement in a different way. Are there everyday things that I could view not as a sacrifice, but as an investment? And if I did change my perspective on it, would my life be different? What if the next time a frustrated foster parent calls me and I patiently listen I don't view it as a sacrifice of my time and all the other things that I need to be doing, but as an investment into that family and the sustained placement of a child? (by the way, this is easily 40% of my job, just providing a listening ear for someone who needs to vent. Maybe I should have gone into counseling after all.) Or what if instead of simply sending a friendly text to one of my life group girls so I don't have to sacrifice time from my already busy schedule, I decide to invest in her by spending one on one time with her over coffee? What if instead of viewing exercising in the morning as a sacrifice of my precious sleep, I viewed it as an investment into my health and well being? What if I viewed my time with the Lord each day as an investment into our relationship, instead of a sacrifice of something else (TV, reading for fun, sleep, time with friends, etc.)? What if I saw my trips back home to be with my family, or those dreaded family reunions (anyone else have those?) as an investment into the family I love, instead of the sacrifice of my own desires for the weekend? Or what if I was more wise in holding my tongue and sacrificed my desire to be right or to be in control and instead saw it as an investment into the other person by not taking over and allowing them to figure things out?
As I thought about it, I realized that it's really all just a shift in perspective. Instead of looking at what I'm giving up, or sacrificing, and focusing on myself, I need to see how I am investing in others, in those I love, and also in my future. My prayer is that going forward, I won't forget about this small perspective shift that can make a huge difference.
Then I started to think about her statement in a different way. Are there everyday things that I could view not as a sacrifice, but as an investment? And if I did change my perspective on it, would my life be different? What if the next time a frustrated foster parent calls me and I patiently listen I don't view it as a sacrifice of my time and all the other things that I need to be doing, but as an investment into that family and the sustained placement of a child? (by the way, this is easily 40% of my job, just providing a listening ear for someone who needs to vent. Maybe I should have gone into counseling after all.) Or what if instead of simply sending a friendly text to one of my life group girls so I don't have to sacrifice time from my already busy schedule, I decide to invest in her by spending one on one time with her over coffee? What if instead of viewing exercising in the morning as a sacrifice of my precious sleep, I viewed it as an investment into my health and well being? What if I viewed my time with the Lord each day as an investment into our relationship, instead of a sacrifice of something else (TV, reading for fun, sleep, time with friends, etc.)? What if I saw my trips back home to be with my family, or those dreaded family reunions (anyone else have those?) as an investment into the family I love, instead of the sacrifice of my own desires for the weekend? Or what if I was more wise in holding my tongue and sacrificed my desire to be right or to be in control and instead saw it as an investment into the other person by not taking over and allowing them to figure things out?
As I thought about it, I realized that it's really all just a shift in perspective. Instead of looking at what I'm giving up, or sacrificing, and focusing on myself, I need to see how I am investing in others, in those I love, and also in my future. My prayer is that going forward, I won't forget about this small perspective shift that can make a huge difference.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
2013
At the beginning of this year I really felt God lay a few words on my heart for 2013. One of those words was discipline. (insert groan here) I wrestled with God over His choice and basically begged Him to please give me another word. But God, in His infinite wisdom, overrode my pleadings and left me not only with discipline but added on another less than ideal "d" word, dependence. All I could do was sit back and think, "Really God? Discipline AND dependence? Is this what 2013 is going to be about? I thought this was the year of restoration and this year would be much easier than the past few years."
However, I've once again discovered that God has a completely different plan. (I'm unsure why I'm still surprised by this. I've got to stop being such a planner.) He has gently shown me through these first 5 weeks that this year is shaping up to be a year of even more intense growth and pruning than last year. Filled with discipline and dependence. A year of even more change, challenge, and dying to myself. A year where I learn to live out grace and forgiveness, for myself and for others. Where I give up control and my tendency to plan and play it safe. A year where I continue to surrender everything to Him and allow Him to empty me of everything so that I can be filled with more of Him. (Did I mention I thought I had grasped the surrendering and emptying last year? Apparently not.) I keep thinking that eventually I'll get a hold of these lessons and I can move on to something else but time and again, it turns out that I've only scratched the surface of what He wants to do in me.
However, I've once again discovered that God has a completely different plan. (I'm unsure why I'm still surprised by this. I've got to stop being such a planner.) He has gently shown me through these first 5 weeks that this year is shaping up to be a year of even more intense growth and pruning than last year. Filled with discipline and dependence. A year of even more change, challenge, and dying to myself. A year where I learn to live out grace and forgiveness, for myself and for others. Where I give up control and my tendency to plan and play it safe. A year where I continue to surrender everything to Him and allow Him to empty me of everything so that I can be filled with more of Him. (Did I mention I thought I had grasped the surrendering and emptying last year? Apparently not.) I keep thinking that eventually I'll get a hold of these lessons and I can move on to something else but time and again, it turns out that I've only scratched the surface of what He wants to do in me.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Music for your Monday
In light of all that God has been showing me lately about His love and grace for me, this song has been at the top of my playlist.
To bring this world to life
To heal this heart of mine
Your grace enough
Your grace enough
To mend this world in need
To break the chains in me
Your grace enough
Now this means love
To bring this world to life
To heal this heart of mine
Your grace enough
Your grace enough
To mend this world in need
To break the chains in me
Your grace enough
Now this means love
Sunday, February 10, 2013
"Hello, old friend I know it's been awhile..."
Although technically the beginning to a song by Francesca Battistelli, these words also capture my feelings about the decision to blog again. Its been a few years since I last entered the world of blogging. Many things have changed, I'm sure, but hopefully many things have stayed the same.
My decision to write and share it has been both exciting and hesitant. This is because I love and hate the written word. I
love it because for me, it is my easiest form of self-expression. I am almost always able to communicate through
written word what I can’t always articulate through spoken word. Once I begin typing it’s as if a dam to my
heart is open and all the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I keep so close
come spilling forth. On the flip side, I hate it because there
will always be a reminder of what was happening at that point in time. While sometimes this is a good thing, other
times it's not so good. There are many things that have happened in my life that I would much rather forget. It’s times like those that the words haunt
me. They remind me of all the hurt,
pain, and loneliness that I felt. The
feelings of isolation and despair that I’d prefer to not remember at all.
But I know that at some point, I will want to look back and see, in writing, all that God has done. I will want to recall all of those sweet moments where God opened my eyes to see Him in all of His glory. I will want to remember those lessons that He so patiently and lovingly taught me about His love and His unending grace. I will need to be reminded that even in those dark, desolate valleys, He never left my side. And perhaps, maybe there is someone else out there who needs to know that they are not alone. That there is HOPE. That there is a God who loves them more than they can even fathom. That He is a God of restoration and renewal. And that through everything we face, He is working all things together for our good, even when we can't see it.
I invite you to join me on my journey. Walk with me as I open my heart to the restoration that God wants to do in my life. Learn with me as He teaches me more and more about His unconditional love and grace. Grow with me as He prunes away everything that is not pleasing to Him and as He challenges me to change. Watch on as I seek to uncover His divine purpose for my life and begin to live out what I was created to do.
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