2013

At the beginning of this year I really felt God lay a few words on my heart for 2013.  One of those words was discipline.  (insert groan here)  I wrestled with God over His choice and basically begged Him to please give me another word.  But God, in His infinite wisdom, overrode my pleadings and left me not only with discipline but added on another less than ideal "d" word, dependence.  All I could do was sit back and think, "Really God?  Discipline AND dependence?  Is this what 2013 is going to be about?  I thought this was the year of restoration and this year would be much easier than the past few years." 

However, I've once again discovered that God has a completely different plan.  (I'm unsure why I'm still surprised by this.  I've got to stop being such a planner.)  He has gently shown me through these first 5 weeks that this year is shaping up to be a year of even more intense growth and pruning than last year.  Filled with discipline and dependence.  A year of even more change, challenge, and dying to myself.  A year where I learn to live out grace and forgiveness, for myself and for others.  Where I give up control and my tendency to plan and play it safe.  A year where I continue to surrender everything to Him and allow Him to empty me of everything so that I can be filled with more of Him.  (Did I mention I thought I had grasped the surrendering and emptying last year?  Apparently not.)  I keep thinking that eventually I'll get a hold of these lessons and I can move on to something else but time and again, it turns out that I've only scratched the surface of what He wants to do in me.