Sing a Song

I'm back blogger friends! I know it's been ages so I'm going to try to make this blog a little more fun and interesting since the last time I wrote. I'm going attempt to describe my last few months in song titles. Enjoy!

April held quite a bit of Downtime consisting of just Me, Myself and I. There were some really rough days but The Valley Song pulled me through until the Song in My Head was He Is Lord. Then it was How Can I Keep From Singing about This Is Our God?

Next up was May which was mostly a Celebration! From graduations to wedding showers to bachelorette parties, there wasn't a dull moment. I decided to Get in the Car and Drive to Ponca City to visit Kisha and Karol, who I don't see near often enough, the Friday before Memorial Day. The last week of May began The Climb to Stefani's Going to the Chapel in June. It was a beautiful day with a beautiful bride. We Are Family B! Oh, and if ever I Wanna Dance with Somebody I'm calling Lori Ross because All She Wants to Do is Dance!

June through July so far have been the days of Fast Cars and Freedom. Where you lead, I will follow took Amy and I to Albuquerque, NM to visit with my aunt. If someone else had been in the car with us, I'm sure their sentiments would have been for us to Shut Up and Drive since we managed to talk for the entire 8 hour trip out there. What can I say? Girls Just Wanna Have Fun! The highlights of our trip include a spa day, museums, feeding a giraffe, petting a stingray, and visiting a butterfly pavilion. And our late night chats. There's not much that's better than late night chats.

While we were gone, I was incredibly Homesick so once I got back home I decided to Get Out of This Town for the 4th of July weekend. While in Duncan, I relished being a Small Town Girl and thoroughly enjoyed a wedding cake snocone and Dave's Cave drink. I've had multiple people tell me lately that I'll be moving back to Duncan soon but it's Complicated. I don't know if I'm ready for people to Roll Me Back in Time just yet to where I grew up.

I almost forgot! I Can Hear the Bells from two engagements that were announced last week. Congrats to Alli & Baby Britton and Justin & Trish! I guess I'll be Going to the Chapel again in the near future for their upcoming nuptials. As for Amy and I, we've decided that finding a suitable Christian guy is next to Impossible.

This past weekend I decided to head to the Oklahoma-Texas Line to visit my aunt, uncle and two precious cousins. Two cousins who can almost say Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now! I can't believe how grown up they are!!! It was a good trip, although a long trip, but it always give me plenty of time to Have a Little Talk with Jesus about The Best Thing on the way down there and back.

As for everything else, I'm hoping that A Change Will Do Me Good because I have lots of changes coming up. Mostly work related. When I last left off we had The New Guy in Town. The new co-worker had a brief mention in my last blog but he's still taking some getting used to. He's been here for about 3 months now and it started off I've Got a Lot to Learn (although he doesn't always seem to think so) and has progressed to Things That Never Cross a Man's Mind. Things like asking a question if you can't find something instead of wasting hours on end. Men. In other work news, we're Movin' On Up, er, over rather. Just across the pond but it will be quite a different set-up than we're in now. I'm not too worried though because I've got The Remedy (I Won't Worry) and I think that things will turn out just fine.

I hope you've enjoyed my unique look back over this Oklahoma Girl's last few months! For now I'll just say Goodnight, Sweetheart, goodnight.

When It Rains, It Pours

It's been a rough week. An unreal, life-altering week. And honestly, it feels like things just keep piling on top of each other. I don't like to come across as melancholy or down in my blog, but tonight, that's what I'm feeling. I found out on Monday that I am diabetic. Yes, there are much worse things. Yes, there are millions of people who live with this every day and they live incredibly normal lives. But this is all new to me. It's scary. It's upsetting. It's going to be a daily reminder that I'm different from everyone else. It honestly makes me feel defective. I'm doing my best to deal with it but I also feel like I'm running from it at the moment. I don't want something to be wrong with me. And to add that on top of everything else that seems to going on...the stress of work, training the new guy, feeling like I stink at my job, trying to make it through school, not really talking to one of my closest family members, feeling all alone up here without family close by, worrying about money and rent, trying unsuccessfully to get plugged in at church and find a life group, losing touch with close friends as they get married and have children and go in different directions in their lives, etc, etc, etc. I know that most of these things aren't big things and the two people who read my blog are probably thinking that I'm just whining and that it could be worse and I'm sure that it could. But right now, I'm at the end of my rope. I know that life isn't perfect but I desperately want things to start looking up. This last blow on Monday feels like almost more than I can take. I am trying to be okay with this. I am trying to stay positive and be optimistic. I am trying.

And just when I think that I don't have a single tear left in me, I hear this song on the way to work this morning by MercyMe. I've always liked this song and today it began to mean something more to me.

I am Yours regardless of
The clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what’s a little rain

So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know
There’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus Bring the Rain

This Is Our God

This upcoming weekend is Easter and as it's getting closer, I've been thinking a lot about the sacrifice that was made so that I could live an eternal life with Christ. This past weekend at church, Craig was preaching on the subject of God is Love and at one point, he referenced John 3:16, which most of us all know. However, what he did different was that he left out 2 words, 'the world', and told us to fill our name in so that the verse read something like this: For God so loved Lindsey that he gave his only son... Wow. When I wrote my name down and then read the verse to myself my eyes filled up with tears to think about it in that way. God so loved me that he sent his only son to die for me. Me. God so loved me. I really don't think about it that much, about how much God loves me or how much he cares for me. I often think about how little time I spend with him when I'm busy and stressed with work or school, or how ineffective I sometimes feel as a Christian, or how I should do this or do that to become a better Christian but rarely do I really sit back and reflect on God's love or his sacrifice. It's humbling and amazing and mind-boggling all at once. I can't imagine how deep that kind of love is. I also can't comprehend that God, the creator of everything, is working and orchestrating things in my life. That he is still as all powerful as he always was and always will be. There are a couple of songs that I absolutely love that speak to that and when I really stop and think about what I am singing it almost takes my breath away to think about. This is one of my favorites that recently has meant so much to me. Its on the latest Hillsong album and it is the title track.

This Is Our God

Your grace is enough
More than I need
At Your word I will believe
I wait for You
Draw near again
Let Your Spirit make me new

I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here

Your presence in me
Jesus light the way
By the power of Your word
I am restored
I am redeemed
By Your Spirit I am free

I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here

(my favorite part)
Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love
Poured out for all
This is our God
Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Servant and King
Rescued the world
This is our God

The reason I'm single

So I came across this article today on my yahoo homepage. And then I read this article on People.com. I am completely speechless. (which is why I'm typing) Here are the 3 things that I learned from this article:

1. Since I am not currently a size 4 or under, I am considered only 'average' looking, which is hampering my ability to catch anyone's eye. Not to mention that it makes the fact that I am 'average' seem as something incredibly less desirable.

2. Since I am only 'average' in the looks dept, I must rely on a reality TV show to give me my one shot at love b/c clearly no one in the real world will give me a second glance. The kicker to that is that it will have to be a completely different show than previous contestants looking for love because the 'original' show is still only reserved for the pretty people. Oh, and did I mention that since I am above a size 4 the show has to have some ridiculously inane name that points out the flaw for which I am seeking reality television's help? More To Love...I'm pretty sure we're not talking about the character traits of your 'average' person, such as personality, intelligence, wit, charm, kindness, etc.

3. Rather than having typical dates with babes in bikinis, steamy hot tub scenes, and PDA galore (none of which I am a fan of watching, but that's beside the point) they are going to focus on other things, b/c no one wants to see 'average' people show affection towards each other. Instead, there will be dates that involve wearing ball gowns b/c as we all know, most 'average' girls never get to wear ball gowns since they aren't invited to the pretty girl ball.

Okay, okay, all kidding aside, I was really surprised to read some of the comments to the articles. Am I surprised that someone came up with this idea? No, not really. Will I watch the show? No, I won't. The biggest reason that I won't watch? The whole 'average' thing. I may not be a size 4, and I may not be supermodel gorgeous, but I still hope that someday someone will see me as more than 'average' and find me beautiful.

What's been happening

Well, well, well. I am back. Sort of. I didn't realize that it has been over 2 months since I have blogged anything until I saw the date staring back at me this morning. What's crazy is that it feels like it's only been a few weeks since I was ringing in the New Year. Where has the time gone? Oh wait, I know. It's gone to work, deadlines, reporting, class, basketball, and weekend trips.

So, for just a little update of what's been happening...Class is going well. I made a 95 on my midterm (woohoo!) and although my teacher is still severely lacking, I understand everything that we're learning this semester so I should come out with an A. I originally thought about not taking any summer classes but I'm now leaning toward taking one. We'll see what I end up deciding b/c it would be a 3 night a week class. I'm still not sure if I want to give up 3 nights for class, plus another night for life group which would leave me with only one free evening. Which wouldn't be so bad except for...

Work. Wow. I can't even begin to describe what all has been going on at work, most of happening in only the last 3 weeks or so. My boss's boss (boss #2) is no longer with us so now things have just trickled down in our department and everyone is watching to make sure we don't mess up. The big wigs have been more involved in our department and some more work has been passed down so things have been super busy. Oh, and have I mentioned that with boss #2 gone, that left our department actually short 2 people? And we're getting ready for an audit in another week? And one of our co-workers is not being a team player at all? Needless to say, it has been super busy and we have all been keeping our nose to the grind stone. The good news is that we hired a new person on Friday! Yea! The even better news? We hired a guy! Yea! Currently our department only has one male and I'll be honest, I'm not sure I could have handled another female in our department. We are already pushing our estrogen level and we need someone to come in and shake things up a little bit. So, we'll see how the new guy works out. Wish me luck as I begin training him a few weeks!

Besides work and class my time has mostly been filled with the usual running around that I always seem to have going on. Mom and I went to PBR one weekend, I hit most of the OU women's games, I watched my friend's daughter play volleyball one weekend, went bridesmaid dress shopping and wedding dress looking with Stefani a few times (the big day is June 6, yea!) I've been getting up at 5:30 to work out with Lori each morning. I'm surprised that I'm able to roll out of bed that early, but so far it's working out really well. The down side is that now when I 'sleep in' on Saturday, it's only until maybe 7:30, which to anyone else in the world is still too early! LOL

So, that's about all that's been going on here. Hopefully once things settle down a little bit more I can find more time to blog b/c I do miss it. Until then...

2009? Really?

I can't believe that we are already 6 days into 2009. I barely even remember 2008. Or 2007! Where is all this time going?

I've been reading friends updates of either their highlights of 2008 or their resolutions for 2009 and I keep waiting for inspriration to strike me about what I should write about. Sadly, inspriration has not struck. So, although it may be a little boring, I think I might just do a smorgasbord of litte things, big things, and all that in between from 2008 and what I am expecting for 2009. Enjoy!

*Began attending LifeChurch and I absolutely LOVE it!!! I feel like this is exactly where God wants me to be right now and I'm enjoying every minute of it.
*Still working on finding a LifeGroup to join. It's a weird stage in life to be looking for a LifeGroup. Hopefully this will be resolved in the next few months.
*Got to hear Hillsong live and in person this summer. It was amazing! Not to mention something that Ames and I figured we'd have to one day trek to Australia to see.
*Went to Vegas to see Cher. It wasn't bad but since I'm under 30 and not a gay man it wasn't near as fun for me as it was for everyone else there.
*Moved. Again. What's new? I say it is my last time until George takes me away to Italy, but I said that the last time too :)
*Went back to school, this time at UCO. Reminded me of how much I hate school. But I stuck it out and came out with an A in my Accounting 1 class. Bring on Accounting 2!
*Met some wonderful friends in aforementioned accounting class. Especially Stefani, who coincidentally lives in my apartment complex. I've had much fun getting to know her and hanging out with her.
*Got my iPhone for my birthday! I love it!!!
*Finally saw Uncle Brad and Aunt Lynn and the girls. Had a wonderful weekend with them! I don't see them enough.
*Became even better friends with the girls at work. I have some fantastic co-workers!
*Managed to actually beat Jess at Scrabble a few times this year. I'm practicing!
*I was reminded that old friends are sometimes the best friends. And that those who will help you out of a jam without questions, explanations or any strings attached are to be cherished.
*Finally began to let go of some negative things that I've been carrying for way too long.
*Cooked my first pot roast and it was delish!
*Learned that confrontation doesn't always to be an extreme and that just because you have it doesn't mean that the other person is going to leave.
*I have a goal to blog more in 2009!

Guess that's about it! Hope everyone has a fabulous 2009!

Frustration

In an effort to be more aware of what's going on around me, I was reading the news online and came across this article. I don't even know where to begin to respond to this. “These staggering numbers reflect severe disarray in the basic oversight of children in state custody,” the children’s attorneys stated. Really? (insert sarcasm here) You mean our system isn't perfect? We have problems that need work such as more workers, more funds, better prevention and education for parents? We had NO idea! Thank you for pointing that out to us Mr. High Powered NY Attorney. The good people of Oklahoma are just too stupid to realize what's going on.
Don't get me wrong, I am all for the rights of children and I feel that they deserve to be represented and advocated for. Do I think that some get lost in the cracks? Yes, I know they do. And does that break my heart each time I hear about it? Yes, it does. The social worker in my feels it too when stories come out about abused or neglected children who are in not-so-good situations. But that same social worker in me feels the need to stand up for the people who are out there trying to help these kids. Trying to find them a placement that works. Trying to work towards reunification with the birth parents. Doing their best to put the child's needs first and ensure them a safe and healthy environment.
I get so frustrated by people who criticize the DHS system when they have no idea how things really work. They have this glorified image of what goes on, which often includes workers only having 5 cases assigned to them and sitting around chatting with their co-workers. That's not the reality in which we live. Yes, DHS has it's problems, as all business do. Unfortunately, the reform that it so desperately needs is unlikely to happen without a great deal of time, sacrifice, and money. There is a real need for more case workers to fully devote the adequate amount of time to each child who is in the system. However, many case workers only last a few years because their jobs demand so much and can often give back so little, and I'm not just talking about salaries (don't even get me started on that!) There is a need for more loving, caring foster families who will open their hearts and their homes to children who aren't safe in their own home. There is a need for greater education and parenting resources to aid families who are struggling and in a position to put their kids at risk. But too many of us are busy with our own lives and 'priorities' that we don't even take the time to consider what one act of kindness might do for a child that is not our own.
Is there an easy solution? No. Will revamping the entire DHS system change things? Some, maybe, but not all. There will still be those who are unhappy about something or who feel DHS should or could do more. But where is our responsibility to these kids? Shouldn't we be finding ways to help our community as well, instead of just pointing out the flaw of the system and expecting someone else to fix it? It's easy to sit back and point fingers at 'that case worker' who 'let that kid be bounced around' and feel like we're superior and could do a better job. Maybe we should try. Maybe we should take the initiative and look for opportunities to volunteer and serve those kids who we so easily defend when it's in the paper or on tv, but just as easily forget when they aren't at the forefront of our minds.

****At least I'm not the only one who feels this way. This was one of the comments on the story: Complain about DHS. Complain about foster care. Goodness knows, people wouldn't want to actually get involved. Get their hands dirty. Be overworked as a caseworker. Get their heart torn as a CASA worker. Actually care for a foster child. Even to be minimally involved as a respite caregiver. Being foster parents, we have been challenged, discriminated against (by the "good" people of Okla), threatened by birth-families, accused falsely. But everytime they come to get the kids, we cry after they leave. Our state legislator knows us well because we continually remind him of the foster care crisis.More caseworkers, more foster families. Great to hear how Mollie passed the checks.....too bad you couldn't get your grandkids but there's alot of other foster kids that would love a have a home like yours.