Run, run as fast as you can!

So, I've got a question for you friends. Does anyone else ever run from Jesus? Or is it just me? I mean, if I ran in my real life like I do from Jesus on occasion, I'd be a marathon runner. Maybe even an Ironman competitor! I think you get what I'm saying.

Now before you check out and go find a quiet spot to pray for me and my running problem, let me just say, I feel like I've definitely been running more toward Jesus than away from Him in the past few months. But these past few days, I've laced up my shoes and hit the road. And although I could give a reason or two as to why, this tweet tonight from Jesus Calling seemed to hit the nail on the head:

"Don't let your need to understand distract you from My Presence."

I can't count how many times in the past two weeks I've uttered the phrase "I don't understand" or "It doesn't make sense to me." There are some things happening in my life right now, especially with my job, that I am at a complete loss about. I don't understand. When I've tried to pray about it, I allow myself to get so worked up over the what ifs and then whats that I drown out anything that God may be trying to say to me. Which leads to frustration because all I want to hear is what He wants me to do. To stay or to go. To persevere or to move on.

And I think part of the reason I don't hear is because I'm still asking God why. Why did He bring me here? Why does it get harder day after day? What should I do right now? What's down the road past this incredibly difficult season? I'm asking these questions because I want to understand. I want to see and know and fully comprehend the big picture. Because somehow, in my human mind, I think that if I were to understand what God is doing, then I'd be more obedient, more trusting, more at peace. But truthfully, my desire to understand, my desire to know the why, only leads me away from His presence. It leads me away from what He asks me to do, which is to trust Him completely and fully surrender everything to Him, without knowing the why, without understanding His reasons or His ways. Believing His word that says He is working all things together for my good (Rom. 8:28), even if it doesn't make sense to me right now.

Lord, forgive me for running when I don't understand but wish that I did. Help me to continually trust you and to seek you more, to sit in your presence and allow it to calm all of my fears and anxiety. Remind me that Your ways are higher than mine and that I don't need to understand everything in order to trust you. Amen.