I'm letting go

For Christmas this past year, my dad bought me the poster below. It references a song by Francesca Battistelli titled "I'm Letting Go." Below are the lyrics to one of the verses and the chorus:

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

I'm letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I'm losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe
So I'm letting go

I feel like these words capture the challenge God has extended to me over the past few months. To let go. Some things have been tangible, like all of my clothes that I've held onto since 2004 so that I wouldn't have to buy new ones once I finally get my health in a better place. (By the way, letting go of all those clothes and all of those memories... not easy.) Some things have been intangible but harder than I ever would have imagined, like letting go of my plans and expectations, especially for my future. And other things, that I thought would be difficult, have been surprisingly easy, like letting go of some of the hurts and baggage that I've carried around for far too long. The freedom that I've felt after letting that go has been indescribable. It definitely makes me wonder why I held onto it all for so long.

There are still a few things that God is asking me to let go of and surrender to Him. My desire for perfection, my need for control, and my independent streak, to name a few. I suppose that there will always be more that I can let go of so that I can fully embrace Him and the work He's doing in my life. I've also had to accept that there's a reason God is asking me to let go of these things now, at this time in my life. Because He knows I'm ready. He knows that I'm in a place now where I trust Him more than I did a few years ago. It's hard not to wonder and ask God why He didn't do this earlier, why He has waited so long to heal some deep wounds in my heart. That's when I realize it's because of me. He knew that I wasn't ready to let go 5 years ago. He knew that I wasn't ready to let go last year. And He loves me enough to be patient, and to wait for me to be ready. He knows the right time and the right way to ask me to let go, to surrender everything to Him. And even though it's not always easy, it always worth it.