Masterpiece in Progress

For we are God's workmanship (masterpiece), created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  Ephesians 2:10

Do you ever have those verses that just seem to keep popping up everywhere you turn around?  Maybe in a message at church, a devotional, on the radio, or a book that you're reading?  Ephesians 2:10 has been that verse for me.  It all started last year with a series Craig preached called "Who Do You Think You Are", specifically week two, "Masterpiece."  His key verse was Ephesians 2:10 and Craig emphasized that we are not who others have said we are, we are who God says we are, His masterpiece.  I thought it was a good message and something that I should try to take to heart but honestly, that's about where it ended.  Until recently when it seems like no matter where I go, what I do, what I listen to or read that same verse keeps coming up:  "You are God's masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." 

I don't know about you but sometimes God has to repeatedly tell me something.  Over and over and over again.  Because for some reason, I tend to stiff-arm God and not accept what He's trying to say to me.  And most of the time, He says very good things to me, very true things to me.  Usually it's my wounded heart that I let get in the way because I can't reconcile the truth of what God is saying to me with the lies that that I've believed for so long.  Truth versus trash.  It's a constant battle. 

Over the past few months, this is the truth that God has been saying to me: You are my masterpiece.  I created you to do good works for Me, good works that I long ago planned for you to do.  You are not a mistake.  You are not worthless.  You are not hopeless.  In Me, you are enough.  Everything about you has been beautifully chosen to work together for good.  And I am changing you and refining you to be more like Me so that you can fulfill the purpose that I designed just for you. 

Thank you, Lord, for Your truth.  That You have created a masterpiece where I see a mess.  Open my heart to understand and believe that truth deep within me.  Thank you for your patience with me as I slowly allow You to change me into who You created me to be.  Amen.

God is chiseling

Today, I want to share  this video that Amy  sent to me yesterday.  I hope that you enjoy it as much as I did and that you'll check back over the next few days as I share some things that God laid on my heart while watching.  Enjoy and Happy Thursday everyone!

Embracing beloved

If I'm Your beloved, can You help me believe it?  
Tell me once again who I am to You, who I am to You
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You, I belong to You
Remind Who I Am by Jason Gray

Recently in my quiet times with the Lord, the word beloved keeps coming up.  At first I tried to just sweep it under the rug because honestly I'm not a huge fan of that word.  It seems so old, outdated and formal.  How often do you hear people using the word beloved nowadays?  I also equate it with Song of Solomon from the Bible so for me, its always had a more romantic feel to it.  Needless to say, when I've felt Jesus speaking that word to me, calling me beloved, I've not really allowed it to mean much.  Until about two weeks ago. 

Two weeks ago I once again heard those same familiar words: There is nothing wrong with you, Lindsey.  Nothing.  You are my masterpiece, created with a specific and wonderful purpose.  You are not who others have said you are.  You are who I say you are.  Beloved.  Daughter.  Precious.  Beautiful.  Worthy.  Mine.  Then I felt God lead me to look up beloved on my Youversion app and it brought me to Deut. 33:12 from the Message translation: God's beloved; God's permanent residence.  Encircled by God all day long, within whom God is at home.  Then I felt God lead me to look up beloved in the dictionary and it said this: dearly loved, valued, treasured, cherished, precious.  Wow. 


I feel like God has been desperately trying to get me to open up my heart to His love for me in the last six months.  Looking back through my prayer journals I can see that He is constantly telling me how much He loves me and how He sees me.  But I just can't seem to completely get it through my wounded and protected heart.  It's hard for me to believe that God could truly love me when I've struggled with feeling unwanted and unloved for most of my life.  I hear His words but I don't really allow them in and allow them to fill those hurt and empty places in my heart.  But God, He never gives up.  He never stops chasing after me or pursuing me or telling me who I am to Him.  I am God's beloved.  His dearly loved, treasured, and cherished child.  His permanent residence where He is at home.
 

Broken.  Into hundreds of pieces.  Only One person can put it back together again.

Shattered.  Hopes, dreams, expectations.  Plans for the future, far away from the pain of the past. 

Crushed.  Under the weight of rejection and heartache and disappointment.  The effects rippling throughout every aspect of life, rearing it's ugly head when you least expect it.

Healing.  Offered by the One who was in the beginning.  By the One who sees all and knows all and holds all together. 

Peace.  From the pain of the past, from the hurt, for the future. 

HOPE.  For purpose, for restoration, for LIFE.  Filled with joy eternal, overflowing and abundant. 

From Him.  Father.  Creator God who's love is long, high, wide, and deep.

From Him.  Who gives purpose and meaning and has divine plans beyond what can be asked or imagined. 

From Him.  Who binds up the brokenhearted.  Who takes seeds of tears and gives back songs of JOY. 

Music for your Monday

A couple of my life group girls suggested listening to Dara Maclean last year and this quickly became one of my favorite songs from her album.  Upbeat, fun, and filled with amazing truth about God's love and grace!

Desiring devotion

I grew up believing in God without having a clue what He is like.  I called myself a Christian, was pretty involved in church, and tried to stay away from all of the things that "good Christians" avoid - drinking, drugs, sex, swearing.  Christianity was simple: fight your desires in order to please God. Whenever I failed (which was often), I'd walk around feeling guilty and distant from God.  In hindsight, I don't think my church's teachings were incorrect, just incomplete.  My view of God was narrow and small.  ~Francis Chan, Crazy Love

Does anyone else have this struggle?  As I read those words this morning, all I could think was, "Yes!  This is exactly how I was raised and how I feel.  I understand!"  How many days have I began with my heart intent on being like Christ and by noon my resolve has completely fallen apart because life happened and things got hard and I reacted in my human way?  Which is followed up with feeling like I will never get it right, like I am a disappointment and a failure.  Then I begin to hear those words: you always mess things up, you'll never be perfect, how could God love someone like you, you will never be enough.  And once again, I feel like God is a million miles away.

I've struggled with this negative thought process for years.  Many factors went into creating it such as my upbringing, the church I was raised in, and the pressure to be perfect, to name a few.  But I think the main key to transforming those thoughts lies in not knowing who God truly is and what His character is like.  Just like Francis said, my view of God is narrow and small.  I struggle to believe that He can love me in spite of all the things that I do wrong and in all the ways that I feel like I fail Him. 

A month or so ago, I was telling God just that, that there was no way that He could ever fully love me and that I couldn't keep asking for His forgiveness when I mess up.  And I felt God say some of the most freeing words that I've ever heard: Why not? Why can you not turn around and run back to me?  I don't ask or expect perfection.  I desire devotion.  Devotion to me and a desire to know me more.  No one is perfect, Lindsey.  The only perfect person was my son, Jesus, and there is no one like him.  Don't desire perfection; desire devotion.  The entire world struggles with sin.  You are not alone.  And even in your sin, I am with you.  Offering a way out, holding out forgiveness to you, extending grace and love.  It is always available and I offer it to you freely. Come to me and repent.  Turn from your sin and turn to me and I will show you a better way. I am with you each step of the way.  You are never alone, Lindsey.

Loving.  Gracious.  Grace-filled.  True.  Beautiful.  Healing.  Life changing. 

God, help me to desire devotion instead of perfection.  Open my heart to know more of Your grace and Your goodness.  Show me more each day who You are and the depths of Your love for me. 

What words are you saying?

Last year it seemed like this idea of words and their importance kept coming up every time I turned around.  Even the school motto at Amy's new job was "Words Matter".  Then, driving home one night, I heard this song on the radio and I absolutely fell in love with it. 

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't want to say a word
Unless it points the world
Back to you

Sacrifice vs. Investment

This week on KLOVE, the DJ's highlighted a story about a wife who gave her husband an unusual gift for Valentine's Day, a kidney.  This wife donated one of her kidneys to her husband who desperately needed a new one.  The key statement that caught my attention was that the wife said she "didn't view giving up her kidney for her husband as a sacrifice, but as as an investment."  Obviously she felt she was investing into both of their futures because without a new kidney, her husband would not live.  But with a new kidney, her kidney, he would be given the gift of a longer life and more time spent together. 

Then I started to think about her statement in a different way.  Are there everyday things that I could view not as a sacrifice, but as an investment?  And if I did change my perspective on it, would my life be different?  What if the next time a frustrated foster parent calls me and I patiently listen I don't view it as a sacrifice of my time and all the other things that I need to be doing, but as an investment into that family and the sustained placement of a child?  (by the way, this is easily 40% of my job, just providing a listening ear for someone who needs to vent.  Maybe I should have gone into counseling after all.)  Or what if instead of simply sending a friendly text to one of my life group girls so I don't have to sacrifice time from my already busy schedule, I decide to invest in her by spending one on one time with her over coffee?  What if instead of viewing exercising in the morning as a sacrifice of my precious sleep, I viewed it as an investment into my health and well being?  What if I viewed my time with the Lord each day as an investment into our relationship, instead of a sacrifice of something else (TV, reading for fun, sleep, time with friends, etc.)?  What if I saw my trips back home to be with my family, or those dreaded family reunions (anyone else have those?) as an investment into the family I love, instead of the sacrifice of my own desires for the weekend?  Or what if I was more wise in holding my tongue and sacrificed my desire to be right or to be in control and instead saw it as an investment into the other person by not taking over and allowing them to figure things out?

As I thought about it, I realized that it's really all just a shift in perspective.  Instead of looking at what I'm giving up, or sacrificing, and focusing on myself, I need to see how I am investing in others, in those I love, and also in my future.  My prayer is that going forward, I won't forget about this small perspective shift that can make a huge difference.

2013

At the beginning of this year I really felt God lay a few words on my heart for 2013.  One of those words was discipline.  (insert groan here)  I wrestled with God over His choice and basically begged Him to please give me another word.  But God, in His infinite wisdom, overrode my pleadings and left me not only with discipline but added on another less than ideal "d" word, dependence.  All I could do was sit back and think, "Really God?  Discipline AND dependence?  Is this what 2013 is going to be about?  I thought this was the year of restoration and this year would be much easier than the past few years." 

However, I've once again discovered that God has a completely different plan.  (I'm unsure why I'm still surprised by this.  I've got to stop being such a planner.)  He has gently shown me through these first 5 weeks that this year is shaping up to be a year of even more intense growth and pruning than last year.  Filled with discipline and dependence.  A year of even more change, challenge, and dying to myself.  A year where I learn to live out grace and forgiveness, for myself and for others.  Where I give up control and my tendency to plan and play it safe.  A year where I continue to surrender everything to Him and allow Him to empty me of everything so that I can be filled with more of Him.  (Did I mention I thought I had grasped the surrendering and emptying last year?  Apparently not.)  I keep thinking that eventually I'll get a hold of these lessons and I can move on to something else but time and again, it turns out that I've only scratched the surface of what He wants to do in me. 

Music for your Monday

In light of all that God has been showing me lately about His love and grace for me, this song has been at the top of my playlist. 

To bring this world to life
To heal this heart of mine
Your grace enough
Your grace enough

To mend this world in need
To break the chains in me
Your grace enough
Now this means love

"Hello, old friend I know it's been awhile..."

Although technically the beginning to a song by Francesca Battistelli, these words also capture my feelings about the decision to blog again.  Its been a few years since I last entered the world of blogging.  Many things have changed, I'm sure, but hopefully many things have stayed the same.  

My decision to write and share it has been both exciting and hesitant.  This is because I love and hate the written word.  I love it because for me, it is my easiest form of self-expression.  I am almost always able to communicate through written word what I can’t always articulate through spoken word.  Once I begin typing it’s as if a dam to my heart is open and all the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I keep so close come spilling forth.  On the flip side, I hate it because there will always be a reminder of what was happening at that point in time.  While sometimes this is a good thing, other times it's not so good.  There are many things that have happened in my life that I would much rather forget.  It’s times like those that the words haunt me.  They remind me of all the hurt, pain, and loneliness that I felt.  The feelings of isolation and despair that I’d prefer to not remember at all.   

But I know that at some point, I will want to look back and see, in writing, all that God has done.  I will want to recall all of those sweet moments where God opened my eyes to see Him in all of His glory.  I will want to remember those lessons that He so patiently and lovingly taught me about His love and His unending grace.  I will need to be reminded that even in those dark, desolate valleys, He never left my side.  And perhaps, maybe there is someone else out there who needs to know that they are not alone.  That there is HOPE.  That there is a God who loves them more than they can even fathom.  That He is a God of restoration and renewal.  And that through everything we face, He is working all things together for our good, even when we can't see it. 

I invite you to join me on my journey.  Walk with me as I open my heart to the restoration that God wants to do in my life.  Learn with me as He teaches me more and more about His unconditional love and grace.  Grow with me as He prunes away everything that is not pleasing to Him and as He challenges me to change.  Watch on as I seek to uncover His divine purpose for my life and begin to live out what I was created to do.