Behind Blue Eyes

Sing a Song

2009-07-14T21:05:00.003-05:00

I'm back blogger friends! I know it's been ages so I'm going to try to make this blog a little more fun and interesting since the last time I wrote. I'm going attempt to describe my last few months in song titles. Enjoy!

April held quite a bit of Downtime consisting of just Me, Myself and I. There were some really rough days but The Valley Song pulled me through until the Song in My Head was He Is Lord. Then it was How Can I Keep From Singing about This Is Our God?

Next up was May which was mostly a Celebration! From graduations to wedding showers to bachelorette parties, there wasn't a dull moment. I decided to Get in the Car and Drive to Ponca City to visit Kisha and Karol, who I don't see near often enough, the Friday before Memorial Day. The last week of May began The Climb to Stefani's Going to the Chapel in June. It was a beautiful day with a beautiful bride. We Are Family B! Oh, and if ever I Wanna Dance with Somebody I'm calling Lori Ross because All She Wants to Do is Dance!

June through July so far have been the days of Fast Cars and Freedom. Where you lead, I will follow took Amy and I to Albuquerque, NM to visit with my aunt. If someone else had been in the car with us, I'm sure their sentiments would have been for us to Shut Up and Drive since we managed to talk for the entire 8 hour trip out there. What can I say? Girls Just Wanna Have Fun! The highlights of our trip include a spa day, museums, feeding a giraffe, petting a stingray, and visiting a butterfly pavilion. And our late night chats. There's not much that's better than late night chats.

While we were gone, I was incredibly Homesick so once I got back home I decided to Get Out of This Town for the 4th of July weekend. While in Duncan, I relished being a Small Town Girl and thoroughly enjoyed a wedding cake snocone and Dave's Cave drink. I've had multiple people tell me lately that I'll be moving back to Duncan soon but it's Complicated. I don't know if I'm ready for people to Roll Me Back in Time just yet to where I grew up.

I almost forgot! I Can Hear the Bells from two engagements that were announced last week. Congrats to Alli & Baby Britton and Justin & Trish! I guess I'll be Going to the Chapel again in the near future for their upcoming nuptials. As for Amy and I, we've decided that finding a suitable Christian guy is next to Impossible.

This past weekend I decided to head to the Oklahoma-Texas Line to visit my aunt, uncle and two precious cousins. Two cousins who can almost say Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now! I can't believe how grown up they are!!! It was a good trip, although a long trip, but it always give me plenty of time to Have a Little Talk with Jesus about The Best Thing on the way down there and back.

As for everything else, I'm hoping that A Change Will Do Me Good because I have lots of changes coming up. Mostly work related. When I last left off we had The New Guy in Town. The new co-worker had a brief mention in my last blog but he's still taking some getting used to. He's been here for about 3 months now and it started off I've Got a Lot to Learn (although he doesn't always seem to think so) and has progressed to Things That Never Cross a Man's Mind. Things like asking a question if you can't find something instead of wasting hours on end. Men. In other work news, we're Movin' On Up, er, over rather. Just across the pond but it will be quite a different set-up than we're in now. I'm not too worried though because I've got The Remedy (I Won't Worry) and I think that things will turn out just fine.

I hope you've enjoyed my unique look back over this Oklahoma Girl's last few months! For now I'll just say Goodnight, Sweetheart, goodnight.

When It Rains, It Pours

2009-04-16T20:33:00.002-05:00

It's been a rough week. An unreal, life-altering week. And honestly, it feels like things just keep piling on top of each other. I don't like to come across as melancholy or down in my blog, but tonight, that's what I'm feeling. I found out on Monday that I am diabetic. Yes, there are much worse things. Yes, there are millions of people who live with this every day and they live incredibly normal lives. But this is all new to me. It's scary. It's upsetting. It's going to be a daily reminder that I'm different from everyone else. It honestly makes me feel defective. I'm doing my best to deal with it but I also feel like I'm running from it at the moment. I don't want something to be wrong with me. And to add that on top of everything else that seems to going on...the stress of work, training the new guy, feeling like I stink at my job, trying to make it through school, not really talking to one of my closest family members, feeling all alone up here without family close by, worrying about money and rent, trying unsuccessfully to get plugged in at church and find a life group, losing touch with close friends as they get married and have children and go in different directions in their lives, etc, etc, etc. I know that most of these things aren't big things and the two people who read my blog are probably thinking that I'm just whining and that it could be worse and I'm sure that it could. But right now, I'm at the end of my rope. I know that life isn't perfect but I desperately want things to start looking up. This last blow on Monday feels like almost more than I can take. I am trying to be okay with this. I am trying to stay positive and be optimistic. I am trying.

And just when I think that I don't have a single tear left in me, I hear this song on the way to work this morning by MercyMe. I've always liked this song and today it began to mean something more to me.

I am Yours regardless of
The clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what’s a little rain

So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know
There’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus Bring the Rain

This Is Our God

2009-04-06T21:14:00.003-05:00

This upcoming weekend is Easter and as it's getting closer, I've been thinking a lot about the sacrifice that was made so that I could live an eternal life with Christ. This past weekend at church, Craig was preaching on the subject of God is Love and at one point, he referenced John 3:16, which most of us all know. However, what he did different was that he left out 2 words, 'the world', and told us to fill our name in so that the verse read something like this: For God so loved Lindsey that he gave his only son... Wow. When I wrote my name down and then read the verse to myself my eyes filled up with tears to think about it in that way. God so loved me that he sent his only son to die for me. Me. God so loved me. I really don't think about it that much, about how much God loves me or how much he cares for me. I often think about how little time I spend with him when I'm busy and stressed with work or school, or how ineffective I sometimes feel as a Christian, or how I should do this or do that to become a better Christian but rarely do I really sit back and reflect on God's love or his sacrifice. It's humbling and amazing and mind-boggling all at once. I can't imagine how deep that kind of love is. I also can't comprehend that God, the creator of everything, is working and orchestrating things in my life. That he is still as all powerful as he always was and always will be. There are a couple of songs that I absolutely love that speak to that and when I really stop and think about what I am singing it almost takes my breath away to think about. This is one of my favorites that recently has meant so much to me. Its on the latest Hillsong album and it is the title track.

This Is Our God

Your grace is enough
More than I need
At Your word I will believe
I wait for You
Draw near again
Let Your Spirit make me new

I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here

Your presence in me
Jesus light the way
By the power of Your word
I am restored
I am redeemed
By Your Spirit I am free

I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here

(my favorite part)
Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love
Poured out for all
This is our God
Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Servant and King
Rescued the world
This is our God

The reason I'm single

2009-03-30T21:48:00.003-05:00

So I came across this article today on my yahoo homepage. And then I read this article on People.com. I am completely speechless. (which is why I'm typing) Here are the 3 things that I learned from this article:

1. Since I am not currently a size 4 or under, I am considered only 'average' looking, which is hampering my ability to catch anyone's eye. Not to mention that it makes the fact that I am 'average' seem as something incredibly less desirable.

2. Since I am only 'average' in the looks dept, I must rely on a reality TV show to give me my one shot at love b/c clearly no one in the real world will give me a second glance. The kicker to that is that it will have to be a completely different show than previous contestants looking for love because the 'original' show is still only reserved for the pretty people. Oh, and did I mention that since I am above a size 4 the show has to have some ridiculously inane name that points out the flaw for which I am seeking reality television's help? More To Love...I'm pretty sure we're not talking about the character traits of your 'average' person, such as personality, intelligence, wit, charm, kindness, etc.

3. Rather than having typical dates with babes in bikinis, steamy hot tub scenes, and PDA galore (none of which I am a fan of watching, but that's beside the point) they are going to focus on other things, b/c no one wants to see 'average' people show affection towards each other. Instead, there will be dates that involve wearing ball gowns b/c as we all know, most 'average' girls never get to wear ball gowns since they aren't invited to the pretty girl ball.

Okay, okay, all kidding aside, I was really surprised to read some of the comments to the articles. Am I surprised that someone came up with this idea? No, not really. Will I watch the show? No, I won't. The biggest reason that I won't watch? The whole 'average' thing. I may not be a size 4, and I may not be supermodel gorgeous, but I still hope that someday someone will see me as more than 'average' and find me beautiful.

What's been happening

2009-03-14T08:48:00.003-05:00

Well, well, well. I am back. Sort of. I didn't realize that it has been over 2 months since I have blogged anything until I saw the date staring back at me this morning. What's crazy is that it feels like it's only been a few weeks since I was ringing in the New Year. Where has the time gone? Oh wait, I know. It's gone to work, deadlines, reporting, class, basketball, and weekend trips.

So, for just a little update of what's been happening...Class is going well. I made a 95 on my midterm (woohoo!) and although my teacher is still severely lacking, I understand everything that we're learning this semester so I should come out with an A. I originally thought about not taking any summer classes but I'm now leaning toward taking one. We'll see what I end up deciding b/c it would be a 3 night a week class. I'm still not sure if I want to give up 3 nights for class, plus another night for life group which would leave me with only one free evening. Which wouldn't be so bad except for...

Work. Wow. I can't even begin to describe what all has been going on at work, most of happening in only the last 3 weeks or so. My boss's boss (boss #2) is no longer with us so now things have just trickled down in our department and everyone is watching to make sure we don't mess up. The big wigs have been more involved in our department and some more work has been passed down so things have been super busy. Oh, and have I mentioned that with boss #2 gone, that left our department actually short 2 people? And we're getting ready for an audit in another week? And one of our co-workers is not being a team player at all? Needless to say, it has been super busy and we have all been keeping our nose to the grind stone. The good news is that we hired a new person on Friday! Yea! The even better news? We hired a guy! Yea! Currently our department only has one male and I'll be honest, I'm not sure I could have handled another female in our department. We are already pushing our estrogen level and we need someone to come in and shake things up a little bit. So, we'll see how the new guy works out. Wish me luck as I begin training him a few weeks!

Besides work and class my time has mostly been filled with the usual running around that I always seem to have going on. Mom and I went to PBR one weekend, I hit most of the OU women's games, I watched my friend's daughter play volleyball one weekend, went bridesmaid dress shopping and wedding dress looking with Stefani a few times (the big day is June 6, yea!) I've been getting up at 5:30 to work out with Lori each morning. I'm surprised that I'm able to roll out of bed that early, but so far it's working out really well. The down side is that now when I 'sleep in' on Saturday, it's only until maybe 7:30, which to anyone else in the world is still too early! LOL

So, that's about all that's been going on here. Hopefully once things settle down a little bit more I can find more time to blog b/c I do miss it. Until then...

2009? Really?

2009-01-06T15:45:00.002-06:00

I can't believe that we are already 6 days into 2009. I barely even remember 2008. Or 2007! Where is all this time going?

I've been reading friends updates of either their highlights of 2008 or their resolutions for 2009 and I keep waiting for inspriration to strike me about what I should write about. Sadly, inspriration has not struck. So, although it may be a little boring, I think I might just do a smorgasbord of litte things, big things, and all that in between from 2008 and what I am expecting for 2009. Enjoy!

*Began attending LifeChurch and I absolutely LOVE it!!! I feel like this is exactly where God wants me to be right now and I'm enjoying every minute of it.
*Still working on finding a LifeGroup to join. It's a weird stage in life to be looking for a LifeGroup. Hopefully this will be resolved in the next few months.
*Got to hear Hillsong live and in person this summer. It was amazing! Not to mention something that Ames and I figured we'd have to one day trek to Australia to see.
*Went to Vegas to see Cher. It wasn't bad but since I'm under 30 and not a gay man it wasn't near as fun for me as it was for everyone else there.
*Moved. Again. What's new? I say it is my last time until George takes me away to Italy, but I said that the last time too :)
*Went back to school, this time at UCO. Reminded me of how much I hate school. But I stuck it out and came out with an A in my Accounting 1 class. Bring on Accounting 2!
*Met some wonderful friends in aforementioned accounting class. Especially Stefani, who coincidentally lives in my apartment complex. I've had much fun getting to know her and hanging out with her.
*Got my iPhone for my birthday! I love it!!!
*Finally saw Uncle Brad and Aunt Lynn and the girls. Had a wonderful weekend with them! I don't see them enough.
*Became even better friends with the girls at work. I have some fantastic co-workers!
*Managed to actually beat Jess at Scrabble a few times this year. I'm practicing!
*I was reminded that old friends are sometimes the best friends. And that those who will help you out of a jam without questions, explanations or any strings attached are to be cherished.
*Finally began to let go of some negative things that I've been carrying for way too long.
*Cooked my first pot roast and it was delish!
*Learned that confrontation doesn't always to be an extreme and that just because you have it doesn't mean that the other person is going to leave.
*I have a goal to blog more in 2009!

Guess that's about it! Hope everyone has a fabulous 2009!

Frustration

2008-12-04T16:17:00.007-06:00

In an effort to be more aware of what's going on around me, I was reading the news online and came across this article. I don't even know where to begin to respond to this. “These staggering numbers reflect severe disarray in the basic oversight of children in state custody,” the children’s attorneys stated. Really? (insert sarcasm here) You mean our system isn't perfect? We have problems that need work such as more workers, more funds, better prevention and education for parents? We had NO idea! Thank you for pointing that out to us Mr. High Powered NY Attorney. The good people of Oklahoma are just too stupid to realize what's going on.
Don't get me wrong, I am all for the rights of children and I feel that they deserve to be represented and advocated for. Do I think that some get lost in the cracks? Yes, I know they do. And does that break my heart each time I hear about it? Yes, it does. The social worker in my feels it too when stories come out about abused or neglected children who are in not-so-good situations. But that same social worker in me feels the need to stand up for the people who are out there trying to help these kids. Trying to find them a placement that works. Trying to work towards reunification with the birth parents. Doing their best to put the child's needs first and ensure them a safe and healthy environment.
I get so frustrated by people who criticize the DHS system when they have no idea how things really work. They have this glorified image of what goes on, which often includes workers only having 5 cases assigned to them and sitting around chatting with their co-workers. That's not the reality in which we live. Yes, DHS has it's problems, as all business do. Unfortunately, the reform that it so desperately needs is unlikely to happen without a great deal of time, sacrifice, and money. There is a real need for more case workers to fully devote the adequate amount of time to each child who is in the system. However, many case workers only last a few years because their jobs demand so much and can often give back so little, and I'm not just talking about salaries (don't even get me started on that!) There is a need for more loving, caring foster families who will open their hearts and their homes to children who aren't safe in their own home. There is a need for greater education and parenting resources to aid families who are struggling and in a position to put their kids at risk. But too many of us are busy with our own lives and 'priorities' that we don't even take the time to consider what one act of kindness might do for a child that is not our own.
Is there an easy solution? No. Will revamping the entire DHS system change things? Some, maybe, but not all. There will still be those who are unhappy about something or who feel DHS should or could do more. But where is our responsibility to these kids? Shouldn't we be finding ways to help our community as well, instead of just pointing out the flaw of the system and expecting someone else to fix it? It's easy to sit back and point fingers at 'that case worker' who 'let that kid be bounced around' and feel like we're superior and could do a better job. Maybe we should try. Maybe we should take the initiative and look for opportunities to volunteer and serve those kids who we so easily defend when it's in the paper or on tv, but just as easily forget when they aren't at the forefront of our minds.

****At least I'm not the only one who feels this way. This was one of the comments on the story: Complain about DHS. Complain about foster care. Goodness knows, people wouldn't want to actually get involved. Get their hands dirty. Be overworked as a caseworker. Get their heart torn as a CASA worker. Actually care for a foster child. Even to be minimally involved as a respite caregiver. Being foster parents, we have been challenged, discriminated against (by the "good" people of Okla), threatened by birth-families, accused falsely. But everytime they come to get the kids, we cry after they leave. Our state legislator knows us well because we continually remind him of the foster care crisis.More caseworkers, more foster families. Great to hear how Mollie passed the checks.....too bad you couldn't get your grandkids but there's alot of other foster kids that would love a have a home like yours.

I am thankful for...

2008-11-27T21:53:00.003-06:00

As my Thanksgiving day comes to a close, I began to think of all the things that occurred today that I am thankful for. My list would go something like this:

My warm and comfy bed
Hot running water
More clothes than I can wear in a month (if they all fit...working on that)
A car that takes me not only to my family, but to my job, church, and friends
My wonderful and supportive family, who even when they're crazy, I still love dearly
My 'nieces and nephew' who color me pictures and let me read them stories
My gram who makes the most delicious Thanksgiving dinners
My pappaw who still slips me gas money on occasion
Also for food to eat, not only today, but tomorrow and the next day
Modern technology - I don't know how we lived before the internet (or my iPhone)
My amazing friends who I can't imagine life without
My friend's parents who remember me on my birthday and include me in family functions
My parents who despite their faults really are good people

This is only a small list of things that I've encountered just today. I'm sure before I turn in for the night there will be even more that I could add. I hope that everyone else had a blessed and thankful turkey day!

Let it go Horns, let it go

2008-11-27T21:24:00.003-06:00

Seriously? Too bad they can't take this kind of action to push an actual worthy cause... http://www.star-telegram.com/sports/story/1058589.html

I'm (not) curious

2008-11-26T12:11:00.003-06:00

If someone were to ask me whether I thought I was curious or not, I would most likely say yes. I feel like I want to know about certain things, especially people, and what their 'story' is. Which to me is curious, but others might just find it nosy. However, when it comes to other things, news in particular, I am not curious. I don't watch the news, read the news, or even really surf the internet for news, other than things pertaining to my Sooners or celebrity news.

As we were discussing the Twilight series today at work (2 of us have read it, 3 others are in various stages of books 1 and 2) I mentioned how Kristalyn was asking me questions yesterday regarding what was happening and what could have been happening at a certain point in the book. What struck me was that whenever I was reading the book, none of those thoughts came to mind. I just kept reading, assuming that if it was important they would tell me what I needed to know at the right time. Then last night, I was having Amy watch The Big Bang Theory (hilarious!) and within the first 2 minutes she'd already asked me at least 3 questions about it (Why is there construction in their building? Are they neighbors? Are they all nerds?) Questions that never even crossed my mind when I watched it for the first time 2 weeks ago. Amy even told me that she went home and looked up some things after we played Battle of the Sexes last week (which by the way, is totally rigged). I didn't give it a second thought after we finished the game.

What does this say about me? Clearly, I'm not as curious as I thought that I was. I'm fine to be in the dark if it's not pertinent. I won't lie, I figure that someone will let me know the vital information if I need to know it. Which lends to the feelings of inferiority that I've been experiencing lately as well. Since I don't seek out additional information there are things that I just simply don't know, like who the democratic governor of Texas was from 1991-1995 (Ann Richards) and why that was important (which according to one person was b/c she was the first female governor but according to Wikipedia she was the 2nd). So what do I do? Should I begin voraciously reading every bit of news that I can get my hands on? Do I start breaking out of my box and reading, listening, exposing myself to things that I wouldn't normally expose myself to? Or is it okay to just be me, full of celebrity fluff, who likes her box that's filled with mysteries, music I can sing along to, and the latest issue of People magazine? And if that is okay, how do I reconcile within myself the feelings of inferiority that come from not knowing everything that my friends know?

2-6

2008-11-25T14:26:00.003-06:00

Today I turned 26. 26. That seems like such an old age to me. And not old in the sense of "man, they're old!". Maybe grown-up is a better term. It reminds me of being younger and seeing everyone at church who had come home for the holidays and thinking that they were so grown-up. I couldn't wait to be in my twenties! I was so ready to be out of middle school or high school and finished with college. To say that I had a job and a home and a life of my own. I thought they had it all together and were the epitome of cool. And now, that's me. I'm out of college, I have a job, I have a home (well, apartment really, but you get the picture). I even have a dog! But I don't really feel that cool. Not that I feel totally lame, but it wasn't really anything that I picture it to be.

It's weird because even though I didn't picture my life where it is right now at this age, I have it pretty good. I have a job that I love, even though sometimes it makes me want to pull my hair out, and a boss who is encouraging me to learn more and cultivating the potential that she sees in me. I have co-workers who even on their worst day I probably wouldn't trade for anyone else. They have turned out to be very good friends. I have a new church that is pushing me and challenging me to grow in my faith more than I've felt in years. I have my cute little apartment that I am completely at home in and where I feel safe. A friend told me a few weeks ago that whenever she comes over she always feels comfortable and cozy there, which meant a lot to me. I have Sophie who is excited to see me every single day and can't wait for me to get home (unless I have someone with me. Then she'll usually pounce on them first!) I have a wonderful family that I know loves me and supports me. And I have the most amazing friends ever! I can't even begin to describe how loved I have felt today with all the 'happy birthday' emails, phone calls, text messages, facebook comments and the like that have come my way. I really do have some extraordinary people in my life and I am so thankful for all of them.

So even though I am not where I thought I would be at 26, I am still unbelievably happy and blessed. Thanks to everyone who made this day extra special for me! It meant more than you know.

2008-10-24T16:16:00.003-05:00

Just when I think I'm over it, I'm not. Sometimes it just feels like hell and I have to let myself feel that. But it does go away.

This was from Brothers & Sisters last Sunday. (if you don't watch it, you should) And it describes almost perfectly how I've felt over the last 6 weeks. A totally unrelated incident caught me off guard and I've been reeling from the feelings that it brought back. I thought that I had moved on from all those things that had happened a few years ago. I thought that I would never again feel the way that I did, that low, that unworthy, that broken. But, just when I think I'm over it, I'm not. I usually don't allow myself to feel it. I avoid it. I run. I seek out other ways to occupy my thoughts and my time. But at the end of the day the hurt is still there. Almost as raw as it was the first time around. It's hard to accept the fact that its part of my history because I try so hard to forget. But it is and I have to be okay with that or I will never fully move on. I have to accept it so that when it does come up again, I will be able to bounce back and regain the footing that I had. And more importantly to know that I will still be okay.

Here's what you've missed

2008-10-09T15:35:00.003-05:00

Well, it's been awhile since I've blogged and I'd love to say that it's because I've been travelling and learning new and amazing cultural things in Europe, but alas, that's not true. What I have been doing is far less exciting and probably not even blog-worthy but I'll post just the same. So here it is.

I started taking my accounting class at UCO and it's been, um, interesting. My professor is one of those people who loves teaching and would talk about accounting all day. He says that he is going to convert some of us to accounting majors but so far I think it's a no go. I actually think that I'm going to be the only person still taking accounting classes after principles 1 and 2 are completed. Sigh.
A perk to taking class is a new friend, Stefani. What I thought were just a few little coincidences (her family did foster care with the agency that I interned at in college, we both like Rascal Flatts, etc) turned into 'what a small world!' when we realized that we both live in the same apartment complex. How crazy is that?
I am so excited about the new season of television that's on. Can I just say that I love, love, LOVE Brothers & Sisters and Private Practice?! They're the best!
Our life group has decided to adopt 4 foster kids for Christmas and I can't wait to go shopping! If anyone else is interested, let me know and I can get you info. The avg amount spent is around $25 so it's not a budget breaker. Think about it.
Amy and I got to see Darlene Zschech and Hillsong LIVE last week at Church of the Harvest. It was absolutely AMAZING!!! I couldn't imagine a better time of praise and worship. And I am so going to be in their area of heaven :)
In addition to Hillsong last Sunday, we also went to the Third Day concert which was awesome as well. However, it started at 6 and ended at 10:40-ish so I was super tired by the time it was over. There were 4 bands playing: Jars of Clay, Robert Randolph, Switchfoot, and Third Day. Third Day was my fav but that's b/c I'm an old school fan. I was suprised by how enjoyable Switchfoot was. "Dare You to Move" kind of ruined me on Switchfoot but they're moving up in the ranks!
I love that the weather has been cool enough (on some nights) that I get to sleep with my windows open! Yea for fall! Bring on sweater season :)

Guess that's about all it for the last month or so. Things are busy as always but overall good. More to come later...

Oh yeah, did I mention that my Sooners are #1? Go OU!

What were they thinking?

2008-08-25T15:19:00.005-05:00

So this story about Blake Griffin came out today. Which was preceded a few weeks ago by this story about Jenna Plumley. And lets not forget this story about Jarboe being let go from the football team. Or this story from the Fiesta Bowl. And last but not least, this story that we remember all too clearly.

As the story about Blake came out, my co-workers began making their comments about it. The consensus between them was that everyone makes mistakes and that college is the time to do it. One co-worker even thought that Jenna shouldn't have been suspended from playing this year because it wasn't that big of a deal. There was also some speculation about the police who issued the citation (to Blake) and if they were just out to get someone, especially an athlete.

While I agree that everyone makes mistakes and should be given a second chance, where does the line fall between stupid college mistakes and honoring the university that is giving you the opportunity (and paying for most of it) to make something of yourself? Should we disregard their actions as silly college pranks or should we hold them to a higher standard because they are representing a major university on and off the court/field? Should they even be held to a higher standard because of their status as an athlete or should they simply be regarded as any average student? Do they possibly think that they will not face consequences because of their athlete status? Should they? How does this reflect the quality of the university to others and should things like this factor into that decision?

Share your thoughts! This could be very interesting...

Thank goodness for Laffy Taffy

2008-08-01T16:05:00.003-05:00

Well it has been quite a week in my little accounting world. I've had 4 reports that were due this week, which technically amounts to 8 since I have two companies to report on, as well as retroactive adjustments to make for 5 months of reporting, auditor questions to answer, and bank statements to pull for another auditor. Things have just been crazy around here and after some research into a former co-worker's reporting this afternoon, I think it's just going to get worse. It's times like these that I'm so glad that our company gives us little perks like Laffy Taffy. Here are a few of my favorite jokes from this week:

Why do cows wear bells around their neck?
B/c their horns don't work

Why did the woman put skates on her rocking chair?
B/c she wanted to rock and roll

What animal do you never play games with?
A cheetah

Hope someone else enjoys them as much as I did! (If not, don't worry. None of my co-workers did. They thought I was crazy)

More to come later...

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

2008-07-23T08:33:00.003-05:00

This year me, my friend, and her roommate decided to get season tickets to Lyric Theatre. I've been a Lyric patron (although this is my first year to actually have season tickets) since I first came up here in 2001. Well, technically I lived in Norman and my first show wasn't until spring of 2002, but you get the picture. Since then, I've attended at least 1 show a year, sometimes 2 or more and I've loved every minute of it.

Last night we saw Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. I didn't really know anything about this show and I hadn't read up on it to get an idea of what went on so I wasn't sure if I would end up liking it or not. Sort of like 42nd Street. Didn't know much about it but I wanted to see it anyway so I did and it was just okay. Not my favorite, but it wasn't terrible either. That's sort of what I was expecting with SB4SB. Boy was I wrong! I loved it!!! The entire show was amazing! There was singing, there was dancing, there was humor. It was just great! It has skyrocketed to the top of my list of favorite shows, which include Rent, Phantom of the Opera, and Thoroughly Modern Millie. So if you have a free night before July 26th, get a ticket and go see it. It's totally worth it!

To eat or not to eat

2008-07-22T14:47:00.003-05:00

In an effort to disengage my brain from accounting work this afternoon, I hopped online and an interesting article stared back at me from the Yahoo homepage. Intrigued I decided to read more from this article entitled "War on flab may lead to ban on fast food." In a nutshell, an LA city council member wants to ban chain fast food restaurants from building any new locations in a section of 32 square miles within the city. She, and other advocates, feel that this will help ease the obesity epidemic that our nation is facing. In addition she feels that it will become easier for restaurants that offer healthier fare, as well as more grocery stores, to move into the area.

What I find interesting about this whole article is their approach to nutrition and obesity and what could/should be done about it. Coming from the point of view of an overweight person, sometimes I think that people don't think about the whole picture when it comes to solving this crisis. Yes, you can ban fast food restaurants from moving into an area of your city in hopes of changing the way that people eat. But will that really solve the problem? Is that going to teach the average high schooler how to buy groceries and cook at home? Is that going to stop that die hard Big Mac junkie from driving an extra couple of miles to the nearest McD's and then possibly indulging even more while there b/c he gets it less often? Is that going to teach children how to properly choose nutritious items for breakfast, lunch or dinner? Especially when the grocery stores are still filled with things that are considered unhealthy?

In my opinion what people need is education. Education about nutrition, calories, cooking, healthy habits, exercise, etc. I feel like everyone talks about abandoning fast food and junk food and things like that but that seems to be a sympton of a bigger problem. Not to mention that I think there needs to be a major shift in the way that people think regarding weight loss. A question was posed about whether insurance companies should cover weight loss programs or nutritionists in a magazine recently and quite a few people commented that 'No. It shouldn't be covered. Overweight people should just eat less and get outside once in a while and that would solve the problem.' I was a little taken aback but at the same time I wasn't surprised b/c that is the view that I feel most people have towards those that are overweight. 'It's their fault. They should just stop eating. If they would go outside and walk around the block rather than eat it would make a difference. Or if they would quit eating out all the time and eat at home then they're problem would be solved.' What people don't take into consideration is that maybe that person has to work 2 jobs to support their family and they don't have time to fit in an hour of exercise everyday. Or maybe that man doesn't know how to cook for himself or what to even buy at the grocery store. Or maybe that woman in her mid-50's has bad knees and she doesn't know if there are any exercises that she can do that won't aggrevate her condition.

What if we were taught how to live healthy lives from a young age? What if children learned how to count and budget their calories that they consume and use each day? What if every year they focused on something new like creating your own well-balanced meal to recipe swapping? What if every year in school your nutrition education was built on so that by the time kids graduated from high school they knew how to shop for healthy foods, cook healthy meals and make the most out of the opportunities that they had to exercise? What if restaurants stopped serving oversized portions and cooked things in healthy alternatives rather than butter? Or what if restaurants were given some sort of incentive to come up with new and creative healthy fare? What if there were free or inexpensive classes that were available a couple of times a month that taught cooking lessons to adults? Cooking for one, two or more? What if insurance companies stopped saying no to weight loss programs and yes to yearly visits with a nutritionsit or dietician and exercise physiologist? What if businesses started offering their employees 30 free minutes to be used each day to exercise while at work? Or what if businesses got a tax break for hosting a Corporate Fitness Challenge for their employees each year that gave recognition not only to their employees performance at the event that day but also to those within the company that had made changes and lost weight that past year? What if insurance incentives or tax breaks were given for the cost of positive lifestyle changes spent each year, ranging from gym memberships, to at home fitness equipment, to workout DVD's, to sneakers? What if we didn't shame people who did want to indulge in that ice cream sundae every once in awhile but taught that all things are okay in moderation?

Call me crazy but I think there are TONS of other things that could be done that would be more beneficial than limiting the building of new fast food restaurants. While that might curb some people from eating fast food, I have a feeling that the majority of them will just find some other way to get what they are craving.

No Place Like Home

2008-07-02T09:22:00.002-05:00

Dorothy knew what she was talking about when she clicked her sequined red heels and said the words "There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

I don't know if I can fully express all that I've been going through these last 8 months or so. I don't even know if I realize how much this is weighing on me until I hit my breaking point, like I did last night. More than ever before I have felt this overwhelming burden of loneliness. I first noticed it last Thanksgiving when I was on my way home to Duncan to see my family. I knew that I was excited to get to go home but there didn't seem to be anything unusual about it. However, due to some miscommunication between my Uncle and I, through a tear plagued conversation with my dad I blurted out that I was lonely. I surprised myself when I said it because I wasn't aware that I was lonely but after I said it I knew that it was true. Since then I felt like I was making progress and making sure that when I felt myself slipping into isolation I sought out friends to spend time with to keep my loneliness at bay. That is until I cried myself to sleep last night. So now I've decided to take a vacation day tomorrow and trek down to Duncan to spend time with my dad and my grandparents.

This is probably one of the most unexplainable and weirdest things that I have ever gone through before. Maybe it's because I've been out of the 'nest' for 7 years now. Maybe it's because I don't have any family close enough to me that I see them on a regular basis, even though I talk to my parents a few times a week. Maybe it's because sometimes I just need a hug, or to be with the people who love me most and more than anyone else. I'm not sure what exactly it is but I feel like this lonliness is just growing more and more and I feel helpless to stop it. Not that I don't have friends who I see and hang out with and talk to on a regular basis because I do, but there's still something that gnaws at me. Whatever it is, I hope that going home tonight will at least give me a reprieve until it feels the need to rear its ugly head again.

It's about time

2008-06-17T21:39:00.003-05:00

I've reluctantly not blogged anything latley not because I've lacked things to say but more because I have so much to say that I wasn't sure which to pick first. All kinds of things have been happening since I last wrote the biggest being that I moved and I enrolled in school again. Oh, and I went to Vegas. Twice. In a span of two weeks. And did I mention that I'm going again in September? Yeah, I'm so over Vegas. But in other news, I am officially unpacked at the new place and have even repacked my closet so that I can move things to storage. I have WAY too much stuff! The other big news is that I enrolled at UCO for this fall. I had originally planned to go back to OU to get my masters in human relations but the more I thought about it, it just didn't seem quite right. So after some more researching I found out that with a mere 36 hours of accounting classes (that's no big deal, right?) and a few business classes I can sit for my CPA exam. So as of right now, that's the plan. I'm excited and both dreading going back to school. I hate studying and I hate homework but I feel like this will give me a better foundation not only for what I'm doing now, but for the future as well. So we'll see how it all goes. That's really about it. There's more to say but I'll save it for another blog. Until then...

25

2008-04-13T18:29:00.004-05:00

Being 25 has been interesting for me so far. I didn't really lament about where I was, or wasn't, or where I thought I should be on my actual birthday, almost 5 months ago. I tried to face it head on with high hopes that 25 was going to be a great year. But now, after some time has passed, I feel like the introspection that I expected to occur in November is finally catching up with me.

It's hard for me to look back on just the past couple of years because so many things that are in my life now began to take shape long before that. Some as early as middle school, but most occurring while I was in college. Plans that I made, dreams that I had, relationships with people both good and bad, that shaped me into the person that I am today. A different person than I would have imagined. A different person than I was even 2 years ago.

I feel like at 25, well actually 24, I began to search for that person that I wanted to be at 25. That girl who I always wanted to grow up to be. Successful, happy, loved. (I won't lie, married was in there too, but this falls under the category of God's timing isn't always my timing) I began to re-evaluate my priorities and my relationships, my committments and obligations. I started to put things in a more cohesive order: God, family, friends. But somehow, in all of my re-organizing I left out one very important person, me. I was doing everything that I could to let the people around me know that I still loved them and that I still cared about them but in the process lost the complete ability to love myself.

I don't know if there is anything that will ever be more difficult than that for me personally. It has been a lifelong struggle that has only intensified from the aftermath of a very bad and very long relationship. I feel like I'm used to being unhealthy, mentally, physically, emotionally. That's what is "normal" for me. I don't even act surprised at it anymore.

I strive for change. Change from the person that I was to the person that I want to be. But sometimes it still feels like it's not enough. Just when I begin to think that I'm making progress, something happens. Circumstances change, people say hurtful things, life in general just throws another curve ball. I feel like I can't keep up. I can't keep everyone around me happy. I can't try to keep myself happy. I feel like I am walking this very thin line between being a doormat and being a bully. Between bending to other people's thoughts and opinions in order to keep the peace and between having my own thoughts and opinions. Between being my own individual person and being who everyone expects or wants me to be.

I thought that I would have this figured out by 25. I thought I would be that successful, happy, and loved person that I always intended to be. I guess all that I can do is to keep trying. Day after day learning to love and accept who I am, even when other people don't.

I've decided to be the pig

2008-03-06T10:36:00.002-06:00

I didn't realize that it had been quite so long since I had blogged until I saw the date of my last post: Feb. 19. Much has happened in the weeks since then, some good, some bad, but overall life has gone on in the usual fashion. I have had things that I considered writing about but chose not to mostly because I am afraid of the aftereffects of my blog, not from others but from myself. I am worried that if I truly write out what is going on in my head then I will constantly be reminded that I did put it down on paper (or webpage) and I will have to measure up to what I wrote. Clearly I have some issues with accountability. Not all accountability mind you, but some areas, yes.

The irony of the way that things happen sometimes amazes me. Our message at church this past weekend was about breaking free and finding someone who will hold you accountable for what you're trying to overcome. He talked about being able to give the other 10%; it's easy to share 90% of your life but it's the other 10% that we keep to ourselves. In my meeting with Michelle yesterday she brought up the issue of accountability and whether or not I should pursue it in regards to my struggle with weight. Then today I was reading a blog by Sherri Coale and in it she was discussing her pet peeve about only going halfway. She referenced the story about the chicken, the pig and breakfast; how the chicken gives eggs but the pig gives its life. The chicken is only interested, but the pig is committed.

I realized that at the end of 2008, I want to be able to look back and say that I was committed. I want to be committed to quite a few things actually. Committed to work by striving to do my best and to complain less about circumstances that I can't change. Committed to grad school and to learning new ideas and fields of thought, not to mention being committed to my actual school work and not procrastinating everything! Committed to losing weight and developing a healthier lifestyle that I can be proud of and feel comfortable living in. Committed to friends and family, to being there for them and allowing them in so that we can share our lives together. Committed to being the person that I constantly desire to be, the real me, the one that only a few people know. And most importantly committed in my walk with God. I want to be committed to following His direction for my life and to listening to what He wants me to do. I feel like I am daily learning the impact of being quite and trying to hear that still small voice and following what it tells me to do. I know that it isn't always easy, but He knows far better than I do about what lies ahead and how I need to prepare for it. And the craziest part of all is that He wants to help me learn to be committed in all these other areas of my life, if I only surrender them to Him. And that will probably be my biggest struggle and committment of all.

Torn

2008-02-19T21:56:00.003-06:00

Do you ever have those days when it seems like your being torn in every possible direction? Or when what you thought was something was actually nothing at all? Or when you have your plans all laid out but then something throws a wrench into it and you feel completely unsure of what to do? Today has been one of those days. Rather than get lengthy on details I'm just going to sum it up.

I applied to grad school this fall intending to get my masters in human relations. I received an email today stating that the HR department hadn't received some of the required info and that I had 2 weeks to get it to them. In contacting my references again, I spoke with an old professor who is encouraging me to speak with the graduate coordinator about getting my masters in social work rather than human relations. I checked and all but one class is currently offered in the evening in the MSW program. Now I'm stuck. I could go back to school this fall for my MSW, have a previous classmate and good friend to go through it with me, be done in a shorter amount of time, and according to my professor be more marketable with an MSW than an MHR. Or I could forge ahead and start working on my MHR, be in school awhile longer, have a different graduate degree than my undergrad, and possibly be in a position to get my LPC should I choose to do so. The logical question to ask would be "Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?" but the answer to that is so unclear. I have no idea because even though I love the human service field, I also really enjoy the financial side of things. Which further complicates things because I could forget the first two choices and decide to get my MBA instead.
I absolutely love to sing and I've found that it's something that I truly miss being able to do on a consistent basis. After thinking about it for a month or two, I decided yesterday that I wanted to audition for the Canterbury Choral Society this fall and I was very excited. However, tonight I read the audition details (they weren't fully posted yesterday) and now I'm scared and considering backing out. I haven't formally sang in almost 7 years! And I definitely haven't been doing any sightreading in the mean time, which is a requirement for auditioning. Not to mention I am sensing that it is mostly an above 30 crowd, so I feel like I'm already not the same caliber as these other individuals.
Through the wonderful thing that is myspace, I found out that one of my oldest guy friends is still dating a girl whom I met over Christmas. While this shouldn't be of any concern to me, I was not that impressed with her when I met her (neither were our other friends) and my friendship with him hasn't been the same since they started dating. I had wrongly assumed that the relationship was most likely over and after subjecting myself to pure torture by seeing pictures of them together, I am feeling an even weaker desire to talk to him than before. Which makes me sad because he is a very good friend and a wonderful guy and I do miss talking to him. So should I let the fact that he's still dating this girl keep me from striking up conversation? Maybe not, but I possibly will.
This weekend is an OU women's basketball game at 1 and since we have season tickets I was planning on going. Yes, I know that we lost to Baylor (badly) last week and we're playing OSU this Saturday (who we lost to previously) and I was planning on going to help cheer them on to victory! However, today I was presented with an opportunity to go to the KU/OSU men's basketball game which is also this Saturday at 3. Should I forsake my Sooners in order to watch the Jayhawks play at Gallagher Iba? Or should I save the money that I would spend on the KU/OSU game and go have fun closer to home watching the women play? (this is probably the least of my current dilemmas)

So, here I am, sitting her blogging at 10:20 when I should be getting ready for bed and wondering what exactly I should do about all of the aforementioned. No, they're not all life shattering or earth shaking, but they all hit me at once today and I have no indication about which direction I should go. Maybe tomorrow will be filled with guidance...or at least a road map.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Can I come in?

2008-02-18T20:56:00.004-06:00

As I have been contemplating my 2nd post, I realize that right now, there is truly only one person who will read it (well, possibly two as I just saw that Jamie posted a comment on my last one--Hi Jamie!) and the thought occurred to me that it should be simple to post about anything that I want because as of right now not everyone on my "friend list" can read it. I can't imagine how many blogs I have written in my mind over the last couple of years but failed to post because there was always someone who might come across it and read it. Someone who I didn't want to judge me or criticize me or hold me forever accountable to one 5 minute rant about something completely and totally frivolous. These were never really the same people, always usually different ones, but still it kept me from being completely open and honest and sharing whatever was on my heart at the time.

Hannah recently posted a blog about vulnerability and how they discussed it at their house church a week or so ago. What struck me about it was because just that very day I had said the words "I don't want anyone to know. I don't want to let them in on this subject." The more I thought about it, the more that I realized that there was actually a lot that I was/am holding very closely to my heart because I have become so afraid of what other's reactions might be. Will they see me in a totally different light? Will they understand? Will they even try to see where I am coming from? Will they be supportive? Will they tell other people about it? Will it turn into a big joke? I could go on and on with the endless list of questions that cross my mind (yes, I know, I need help) but I really began to wonder what had turned me into this person. Was this who I always was? Will it really be that bad if I open up and let people in? Am I too old to do that? Isn't that just for melancholy teenagers? As an adult shouldn't I be able to just suck it up and move on?

The answer I came up with is that I don't know. I will never know how other people will react if I never give them an opportunity to come in. I'll never be able to take comfort in the fact that there is someone else who has been there before and is willing to see me through it. I'll never know if I am missing out on the biggest support system that I could imagine if I never take that first step. I won't ever build long-lasting friendships with new people if I don't give them a chance and let my guard down.

So, this is my chance to do that; in my own way, to begin to let people in. Some of whom I have never even met in person and some of whom I see every week. Is it going to be easy? Definitely not. Will it ever get easier? Hopefully so. I guess this is my time to try it out. Here goes...

Something old, something new

2008-02-15T16:53:00.001-06:00

I'm not really sure why I created a new blog, on a completely new blog site, but for some reason I decided to. I've actually been contemplating it for awhile but haven't seen the need seeing as how I post on a couple of other sites. But there was something in me that was ready to start a new chapter, a new blog home where I can write freely and hopefully more often than I have been doing lately. I'm not sure what it is, but I've always liked the blogs that I find here (mostly from my roommate and her friends) and I love the simplicity of it all. Either you blog, or you don't. There's no scavaging through their profiles for updated information about what book they last read, what new friend was added, or what their latest "status update" said. It's simply a place to pour out your thoughts and share what's going on. So welcome, to my new blog home. I hope that we can become great friends.